Or do you?
So, it's that time again at the center.... Conferences. One of those dreaded times like hard teething and blowout poopy diapers. (Just kidding... I don't mind conferences. It's just a lot of extra preparation that I never think I will have the time for, but somehow manage to squeeze in around everything else.) :)
There is so much that we get to do with the littles, and so many ways that they learn and grow- especially in that first year. They go from a helpless newborn to a walking, talking diva in a few short months. It is insane how much they learn in those months. It is amazing, and I have so much fun being a part of it.
But, back to conferences. As a center, part of our requirement is that we provide the opportunity for conferences twice each year. I say 'provide the opportunity' because so many people fail to take advantage of this awesome time to spend with your child's teacher. Is it extra work for us? Absolutely. Is it extra effort on your part? Probably. But, trust me when I say that it is great for all of us.
Conferences are more than just your child's teacher giving you a rundown of all the things your child can do (although, there is some of that). Conferences are a time for a conversation about your child. What they can do is important in the context of where they are and where they need to go. What the teacher wants for them- all the ways that we can impact their learning and development. What the parents want for them- knowing that your child is on the right track, or knowing where to turn and having a plan to get the most out of these crucial early years is so important. Creating a plan for the child- together. Communication is such a huge key in creating success for each child, and having that conference gives you a window of time where no one is thinking about the traffic on the way to work, or the other children in the room and what needs to be done for the day. You get to focus on everyone's favorite topic: the child!
Early learning experiences are the foundational building blocks for future learning and growth in children. Having conferences, even for infants, ensures that all the efforts that teachers go through with planning, teaching, and observing children is helping them to grow into the best little people that they can. It allows for parent concerns to be addressed and allows for parents to find out about resources that they may not have otherwise known about.
Infants (and really, all children) grow and learn so much. Conferences allow you to hear just what your child's accomplishments mean for future growth and learning. Don't think that conferences for infants, toddlers, and preschoolers are less important than the ones for your kindergartner, middle schooler, or high schooler. They are just differently important.
Take advantage of your child's teacher's expertise. They went into the field they are in because they love children, and are interested in helping them grow to their fullest potential.
P.S. Wondering where your child is? Here is one great look at child development...
Showing posts with label communication. Show all posts
Showing posts with label communication. Show all posts
Wednesday, April 16, 2014
Wednesday, April 2, 2014
On Being A Daymaker
 |
| The book that inspired me... |
I was introduced to the concept of being a Daymaker by my older sister. One visit, she brought me my first copy of this book, and I read it cover to cover in a weekend. Then I read it again. And the more I thought about it, the more I wanted to incorporate some of the ideas in this book into my life. And so I did. :)
According to David Wagner (author, salon owner, Daymaker), the biggest positive impact on the world can be made through intentional acts of giving, as opposed to random acts of kindness. While both seriously beneficial, the biggest difference between the two is that a Daymaker looks for opportunities to make someone's day, where random acts are allowed to happen by chance. Simply setting the intention in the morning of passing on kindness and positivity creates the opening for intentional giving.
The book is divided into sections of the people in your life you can be a Daymaker for- your spouse and children, your extended family, your friends, your co-workers and classmates, the people you interact with in your daily (or weekly or monthly) commute or routines.
Being a Daymaker for my spouse has looked like this... Picking up a set of DVD's for him to watch during the downswing at work (he is overnight front desk at a hotel). Grabbing a treat when I am at the grocery store. Setting aside a portion of a meal that I am making before I add the ingredients I know he doesn't like, or not making some things in the first place. Encouraging an entrepreneurship in his hobby/interest area of collectible card gaming.
Being a Daymaker for my children has become.... Creating moments for my undivided attention for them. Including them in decisions for meals. Encouraging their interests. Exposing them to nature and the side of life that doesn't happen on the TV screen or with batteries. Leaving notes for them to find that tell them, "I love you." Creating for them with my sewing machines and crochet hooks and knitting needles.
Being a Daymaker for my family includes.... Getting us together to spend time together. Skyping with my family who lives just far enough away, and with different enough schedules to make getting together in person a little more difficult. Encouraging their interests and hobbies.
Being a Daymaker for my friends and co-workers is.... Asking about and actively listening to how their lives are happening. Encouraging anyone whose day is made by another to publicly acknowledge the action with a Daymaker Note in the break room. Contributing to treats to bring up positivity and morale. Being a listener.
Being a Daymaker for people in my greater circle became... Wishing people a sincere wonderful rest of the day. Saying "Thank you"... A lot. Helping someone with mobility issues (or height issues) reach items on a high shelf at the store. Allowing an individual to merge or pass in front of me at an intersection. Paying for the next person at a drive through. Leaving (or giving) a good tip for a service person. Becoming involved with Team Briley to fundraise for the CF Foundation. Perhaps even in writing this blog I am offering someone information or perspective they may need to make their day.
All of these things are relatively small things for me to do, but it took concentration and deliberate effort to include them in my day and routine until they became habit to offer to others. Being a Daymaker is listening with your heart, and being a link for someone between their dream and the opportunity to realize it. Maybe your encouragement, listening, or notice will let them get through another day toward their goal. Perhaps your allowing them to get to an intersection ahead of you will allow them to be prompt for the job interview of their lifetime.
Your positive involvement with the world creates one less space for negativity to grow.
Be the change you want to see!
Friday, March 28, 2014
And This Little Munchkin Was .... Stressed
So, I got to make a new friend this week. He is just the cutest little munchkin. Unfortunately, he came with a fair amount of justified stress, as we were is first experience away from his momma. After a year of being the one and only, it started as a shock to his poor little system to become one of the group. And at around eight months to a year, it is a prime age for separation anxiety to rear it's head in children.
There are some things you can do to help your child through this stage....
First, do your best to introduce your child to a select group of regular caregivers. This could be a sitter you hire for a few hours a week to spend some time with your child while you run some errands that are more easily accomplished without your little in tow (like the grocery store... I know mine like to add stuff to the cart way too much, so it is a much simpler trip without them.) It could be the opposite parent, if your love has more anxiety with one parent leaving, it could be a family member or trusted friend. All of these the added benefit of allowing your child to see you leave- and come back. Their ability to connect your leaving with your return is one key to helping them learn to cope with their anxiety of being separated from you. If you are in a child care relationship, let your child see you interact, even briefly, in a positive way with their teacher. If you have negative feelings for your child's caregiver, they will sense that, and it will make their transition to that person that much more difficult. Something as simple as a quick story about the evening or weekend before, something that you are looking forward to in the upcoming days, and a "Have a great day!" can go a long way for your child.
Second, don't sneak away from your child. Sure, it may seem easier to slip out of the room when your child wanders away to check out that toy over there, but that just makes it harder for them. You were there a second ago- WHERE ARE YOU? It sure is hard to hug and kiss and say good bye to your sweet baby when they are crying and reaching for you, but trust me when I say that having that good bye and letting them see you leave is so much better for them than turning around and expecting you to be there and you aren't. Having the routine and ritual of your departure will let them know that separating isn't as bad as they currently fear. It will also become the first half of knowing that you will come back. When you offer the same good bye routine in the morning, they will begin to associate it with time spent with their caregiver, followed by your return.
Third, know that your child will cry for the first couple days at their new setting, especially if they are old enough to know that you are leaving them. It is normal, and your child's teacher expect it. Know that your child will very likely go through some separation anxiety at some point, and will cry for you, even if you have been with the same teacher/provider for months. Stick with your routine for them, and know that it will pass. It is a part of their growing and learning, and as I tell all the parents whose little loves I have the privilege of caring for, it means that their brain is developing the way you want it to. It's not easy, but it will pass.
Lastly, please don't try to get your child to cry for you. They will do it enough without prompting. Please, please, don't knock on the door, call their name, and pull the door mostly closed when they look. It doesn't help anyone, least of all your child. Do your best not to come back for encores, especially if your child's teacher has helped them calm and begin to distract themselves from their stress. One of the best things you can do when this has to be a part of your and your child's life, is to create a routine for initiating the separation, and go with it. Hold your child while you greet the teacher, pass the child over, have a short conversation about their evening/morning, get your provider the information they may need. Give a last hug and kiss, say good bye... And head out. It may be the hardest walk of all, but it will be worth it when you hear your child respond to the care that we offer by calming to wait for your return. It doesn't mean that they miss you less. It just means that they trust that you will be back.
Again, communication is key. Your body language and actions will speak loudly to your child about your confidence that they are safe in the setting you selected for them, that the caregiver will do the best possible to help your child adjust. Call your provider later in the day for an update; I never mind hearing from parents and having that extra few minutes to let them know what we have been doing.
Trust yourself, trust your child, and know that this stage, too, will pass.
There are some things you can do to help your child through this stage....
First, do your best to introduce your child to a select group of regular caregivers. This could be a sitter you hire for a few hours a week to spend some time with your child while you run some errands that are more easily accomplished without your little in tow (like the grocery store... I know mine like to add stuff to the cart way too much, so it is a much simpler trip without them.) It could be the opposite parent, if your love has more anxiety with one parent leaving, it could be a family member or trusted friend. All of these the added benefit of allowing your child to see you leave- and come back. Their ability to connect your leaving with your return is one key to helping them learn to cope with their anxiety of being separated from you. If you are in a child care relationship, let your child see you interact, even briefly, in a positive way with their teacher. If you have negative feelings for your child's caregiver, they will sense that, and it will make their transition to that person that much more difficult. Something as simple as a quick story about the evening or weekend before, something that you are looking forward to in the upcoming days, and a "Have a great day!" can go a long way for your child.
Second, don't sneak away from your child. Sure, it may seem easier to slip out of the room when your child wanders away to check out that toy over there, but that just makes it harder for them. You were there a second ago- WHERE ARE YOU? It sure is hard to hug and kiss and say good bye to your sweet baby when they are crying and reaching for you, but trust me when I say that having that good bye and letting them see you leave is so much better for them than turning around and expecting you to be there and you aren't. Having the routine and ritual of your departure will let them know that separating isn't as bad as they currently fear. It will also become the first half of knowing that you will come back. When you offer the same good bye routine in the morning, they will begin to associate it with time spent with their caregiver, followed by your return.
Third, know that your child will cry for the first couple days at their new setting, especially if they are old enough to know that you are leaving them. It is normal, and your child's teacher expect it. Know that your child will very likely go through some separation anxiety at some point, and will cry for you, even if you have been with the same teacher/provider for months. Stick with your routine for them, and know that it will pass. It is a part of their growing and learning, and as I tell all the parents whose little loves I have the privilege of caring for, it means that their brain is developing the way you want it to. It's not easy, but it will pass.
Lastly, please don't try to get your child to cry for you. They will do it enough without prompting. Please, please, don't knock on the door, call their name, and pull the door mostly closed when they look. It doesn't help anyone, least of all your child. Do your best not to come back for encores, especially if your child's teacher has helped them calm and begin to distract themselves from their stress. One of the best things you can do when this has to be a part of your and your child's life, is to create a routine for initiating the separation, and go with it. Hold your child while you greet the teacher, pass the child over, have a short conversation about their evening/morning, get your provider the information they may need. Give a last hug and kiss, say good bye... And head out. It may be the hardest walk of all, but it will be worth it when you hear your child respond to the care that we offer by calming to wait for your return. It doesn't mean that they miss you less. It just means that they trust that you will be back.
Again, communication is key. Your body language and actions will speak loudly to your child about your confidence that they are safe in the setting you selected for them, that the caregiver will do the best possible to help your child adjust. Call your provider later in the day for an update; I never mind hearing from parents and having that extra few minutes to let them know what we have been doing.
Trust yourself, trust your child, and know that this stage, too, will pass.
Thursday, March 27, 2014
The True Story of the Sick Child Policy
I am kinda bummed that we are getting snow again. I know that there are people in my life who are glad for it, and should really expect it for living in the part of the country I do, but still. It's spring, Mother Nature. Some nice weather and less snow would be nice for me. :)
So, for me, one of my least favorite parts of my job is to have to make the phone call to parents that their child is sick and needs to be picked up as soon as possible. I have great parents, but I know first hand how stressful it can be to arrange for time off to care for a sick child. Unfortunately, I've also worked with more difficult parents who have a harder time understanding why we send children home when they are exhibiting specific symptoms. They've already exposed everyone, so what's the big deal?
Well, let me tell you, there are several reasons...
1. The state requires the separation. The MN Department of Health detailed the list of symptoms that require that a child is removed from the group. It is not your provider deciding that they do not want to deal with your child, they can get in some serious trouble for not following the rules.
2. All new families are given a copy of the health policy when they register their child with the center. The director goes over all the information, and they are asked to sign that they have read and understood that if their child has symptoms meeting the criteria listed in the health policy, they are required by the state to be removed from care until they are symptom free without medication for a minimum of 24 hours.
3. One of the symptoms/criteria for exclusion from the group is that the child requires more care than the program staff can provide (AAP- Healthy Child Care America). If I am having to change diarrhea diapers every 30 minutes- 1 hour, if I have a feverish child who is needing extra snuggles and love, if a child is throwing up and needing clean clothing and carpet clean-up, it is taking away from the time that I need to be available to the other children in my care. In a child care center, infants have one staff to up to four children, toddlers are 1:7, and preschool is 1:10. If the teacher is alone and trying to deal with this, that is leaving the other children with that much less supervision and interaction, as well as expecting the child who is not feeling well to share you when they need that extra to feel better. Even if you have enough children to have a second or even third teacher, it still leaves the room short handed and scrambling when one child needs more care due to illness.
4. Along with some symptoms requiring more work for the teachers, it can pose a sanitation risk- which increases the likelihood of another child becoming ill- for the other children in the room. If a child vomits, or has a diarrhea leak out, another child could put their hand or foot in the mess before the teacher has time to clean it up.
5. Exposing staff to illness for longer than the time increases the likelihood that staff will need time off to get better. One staff who is in a room with an ill child can carry the illness to all of the other rooms (staff and children), and become sick themselves. I once experienced a situation where an illness took out 3 staff and about 10 children for two days. It was extremely stressful on those of us left standing. Even with all the child absences, the loss of two staff/day for those two days was felt by all of us, and this goes back to the quality of care we are able to offer.
Sick children will get better faster if they are kept home, or with an adult who is able to focus solely on them. (Nurse Grandma is great!) They can be monitored more closely, they can get more rest without interruptions, their needs can be met more quickly. There is less risk of reinfection, as their environment can be kept freer of the germs that are bugging them than a child care setting can. We do the best we can with cleaning and sanitizing, but a smaller setting with fewer toys/equipment and fewer children to get spit/boogers/poo on things the easier it is to keep things clean.
Also, think of this.... When your child is not the sick one, you (rightfully) expect your provider to be able to offer the highest quality of care that they are able to. When they are having to take care of illness on top of the other children, that takes away from the quality that your child is able to receive.
Communication is so huge! Let your child's teacher know when they are not feeling well, especially if they are nearing any symptom that will get them sent home. Ask your provider to call you if they feel that your child is in an in-between-- not feeling great, but not at a point where they are required to be excluded. This lets you prepare for the potential of a sick child, and keeps that communication flowing. Follow up with your child's teacher the next day, even if you are keeping your child home. If they are diagnosed, there are illnesses that need to be posted. Even if it isn't anything more serious, your child's teacher cares how they are doing- even when they are not in our care.
Prevention is also huge. All child care settings have policies about preventing illness which include hand washing procedures and cleaning procedures for the toys and environments. Helping by keeping your sick child home for the required amount of time keeps the spread of illness as small as possible.
So, for me, one of my least favorite parts of my job is to have to make the phone call to parents that their child is sick and needs to be picked up as soon as possible. I have great parents, but I know first hand how stressful it can be to arrange for time off to care for a sick child. Unfortunately, I've also worked with more difficult parents who have a harder time understanding why we send children home when they are exhibiting specific symptoms. They've already exposed everyone, so what's the big deal?
Well, let me tell you, there are several reasons...
1. The state requires the separation. The MN Department of Health detailed the list of symptoms that require that a child is removed from the group. It is not your provider deciding that they do not want to deal with your child, they can get in some serious trouble for not following the rules.
2. All new families are given a copy of the health policy when they register their child with the center. The director goes over all the information, and they are asked to sign that they have read and understood that if their child has symptoms meeting the criteria listed in the health policy, they are required by the state to be removed from care until they are symptom free without medication for a minimum of 24 hours.
3. One of the symptoms/criteria for exclusion from the group is that the child requires more care than the program staff can provide (AAP- Healthy Child Care America). If I am having to change diarrhea diapers every 30 minutes- 1 hour, if I have a feverish child who is needing extra snuggles and love, if a child is throwing up and needing clean clothing and carpet clean-up, it is taking away from the time that I need to be available to the other children in my care. In a child care center, infants have one staff to up to four children, toddlers are 1:7, and preschool is 1:10. If the teacher is alone and trying to deal with this, that is leaving the other children with that much less supervision and interaction, as well as expecting the child who is not feeling well to share you when they need that extra to feel better. Even if you have enough children to have a second or even third teacher, it still leaves the room short handed and scrambling when one child needs more care due to illness.
4. Along with some symptoms requiring more work for the teachers, it can pose a sanitation risk- which increases the likelihood of another child becoming ill- for the other children in the room. If a child vomits, or has a diarrhea leak out, another child could put their hand or foot in the mess before the teacher has time to clean it up.
5. Exposing staff to illness for longer than the time increases the likelihood that staff will need time off to get better. One staff who is in a room with an ill child can carry the illness to all of the other rooms (staff and children), and become sick themselves. I once experienced a situation where an illness took out 3 staff and about 10 children for two days. It was extremely stressful on those of us left standing. Even with all the child absences, the loss of two staff/day for those two days was felt by all of us, and this goes back to the quality of care we are able to offer.
Sick children will get better faster if they are kept home, or with an adult who is able to focus solely on them. (Nurse Grandma is great!) They can be monitored more closely, they can get more rest without interruptions, their needs can be met more quickly. There is less risk of reinfection, as their environment can be kept freer of the germs that are bugging them than a child care setting can. We do the best we can with cleaning and sanitizing, but a smaller setting with fewer toys/equipment and fewer children to get spit/boogers/poo on things the easier it is to keep things clean.
Also, think of this.... When your child is not the sick one, you (rightfully) expect your provider to be able to offer the highest quality of care that they are able to. When they are having to take care of illness on top of the other children, that takes away from the quality that your child is able to receive.
Communication is so huge! Let your child's teacher know when they are not feeling well, especially if they are nearing any symptom that will get them sent home. Ask your provider to call you if they feel that your child is in an in-between-- not feeling great, but not at a point where they are required to be excluded. This lets you prepare for the potential of a sick child, and keeps that communication flowing. Follow up with your child's teacher the next day, even if you are keeping your child home. If they are diagnosed, there are illnesses that need to be posted. Even if it isn't anything more serious, your child's teacher cares how they are doing- even when they are not in our care.
Prevention is also huge. All child care settings have policies about preventing illness which include hand washing procedures and cleaning procedures for the toys and environments. Helping by keeping your sick child home for the required amount of time keeps the spread of illness as small as possible.
Saturday, March 8, 2014
Treasure the Small Moments with Family
What a wonderful week it was. The little man had the week off from school for spring break even though we haven't really moved into spring yet. There's still so much snow, I think it's going to take until June to clear up! The others had a great time learning about the circus at daycare, and putting on a circus on Friday.
Today, we took the munchkins swimming at one of the local hotels. There are a couple around here that allow open swim for a reasonable price. Since it was my momma's birthday a couple days ago, and I love any excuse to hang out with my parents and siblings, the text went out (along with a phone call to my parents who haven't figured out the joys of texting yet), and the date was set up. We had a wonderful hour and a half or so swimming with about half of my side of the family, followed by a crock pot lunch at our house after. As we hadn't been able to visit with my mom on her birthday, the munchkin troop and I headed to Target this morning to pick up some birthday decor.
Even though the doll baby spilled the beans about the birthday decorations and balloons that we had waiting, my momma was one happy lady when she walked in and saw it. And the kids sure had a blast having a party for her. Much fun and relaxing were had by all.
These are the moments that I sure live for. The moments when you are surrounded by the ones you love, the ones who just get you and all your weirdness. The moments when you can put a smile on someone's face, and make their day just that much brighter. I love it! And I sure love how my babies are figuring out how to do the same kinds of things already. :)
There are two good reasons to become a facilitator of moments like this....
1.. You never know when this day could be your last chance to create memories of or with someone. I recently was able to be a listener for a coworker, explaining how the 4 year old daughter of a neighbor, a child who had played frequently with her own children, had died in a tragic accident the night before. Things can happen so fast, so you need to make sure that you are taking each and every opportunity to store up memories of the people you love and enjoy being with.
2. You also never know when your kindness and the time you offer could mean the world to another person. I love reading the Chicken Soup for the Soul books, and one particular story that still stands out is of a middle school boy who befriended another, after the second had his stack of books knocked out of his arms. They became good friends, and it was only at their high school graduation that it came out that the second had planned to commit suicide that weekend. The actions of the first boy convinced him that there were more reasons to go on and find the help he needed.
I was given the opportunity to read Life as a Daymaker, by David Wagner a couple years ago. This is truly an amazing book! The philosophy of creating moments of conscious giving to others is so simple, yet so profound that it can change lives with a single act of thoughtful kindness. I strive to utilize the ideas that I read in this book to be the best parent, spouse, employee, co-worker, child, and friend that I can be. And the rewards that I get are truly priceless.
I recently purchased the book Bucket Filling from A to Z through the book order program at my younger children's day care. We haven't had a chance to read it together- yet- but after flipping through it, I am glad that it is now a part of our library. There are so many ways to give, to make someone else's day, and this will be another way that we teach our children the power of giving back.
One last bit before I go tonight....
Today, we took the munchkins swimming at one of the local hotels. There are a couple around here that allow open swim for a reasonable price. Since it was my momma's birthday a couple days ago, and I love any excuse to hang out with my parents and siblings, the text went out (along with a phone call to my parents who haven't figured out the joys of texting yet), and the date was set up. We had a wonderful hour and a half or so swimming with about half of my side of the family, followed by a crock pot lunch at our house after. As we hadn't been able to visit with my mom on her birthday, the munchkin troop and I headed to Target this morning to pick up some birthday decor.
Even though the doll baby spilled the beans about the birthday decorations and balloons that we had waiting, my momma was one happy lady when she walked in and saw it. And the kids sure had a blast having a party for her. Much fun and relaxing were had by all.
These are the moments that I sure live for. The moments when you are surrounded by the ones you love, the ones who just get you and all your weirdness. The moments when you can put a smile on someone's face, and make their day just that much brighter. I love it! And I sure love how my babies are figuring out how to do the same kinds of things already. :)
There are two good reasons to become a facilitator of moments like this....
1.. You never know when this day could be your last chance to create memories of or with someone. I recently was able to be a listener for a coworker, explaining how the 4 year old daughter of a neighbor, a child who had played frequently with her own children, had died in a tragic accident the night before. Things can happen so fast, so you need to make sure that you are taking each and every opportunity to store up memories of the people you love and enjoy being with.
2. You also never know when your kindness and the time you offer could mean the world to another person. I love reading the Chicken Soup for the Soul books, and one particular story that still stands out is of a middle school boy who befriended another, after the second had his stack of books knocked out of his arms. They became good friends, and it was only at their high school graduation that it came out that the second had planned to commit suicide that weekend. The actions of the first boy convinced him that there were more reasons to go on and find the help he needed.
I was given the opportunity to read Life as a Daymaker, by David Wagner a couple years ago. This is truly an amazing book! The philosophy of creating moments of conscious giving to others is so simple, yet so profound that it can change lives with a single act of thoughtful kindness. I strive to utilize the ideas that I read in this book to be the best parent, spouse, employee, co-worker, child, and friend that I can be. And the rewards that I get are truly priceless.
 |
| Life as a Daymaker |
I recently purchased the book Bucket Filling from A to Z through the book order program at my younger children's day care. We haven't had a chance to read it together- yet- but after flipping through it, I am glad that it is now a part of our library. There are so many ways to give, to make someone else's day, and this will be another way that we teach our children the power of giving back.
 |
| Bucket Filling from A to Z |
One last bit before I go tonight....
They truly are what matter most.
Wednesday, March 5, 2014
The Power in Your Speech
What a wonderful week this has been, thus far! The kidlets, husband, and I got to go out for a walk this afternoon (finally!), and the curtain of snow that has been blocking my windows at work is finally beginning to melt. Slowly, to be sure, but we got to have more sunshine coming in today than we have had all week. I sure have missed it!
This article popped up on my Facebook news feed, shared by at least three friends..... What Really Happens When You Use the R-Word. It gives a great look at how the use of a specific word as a negative and demeaning insult truly diminishes whole groups of people who, as the article states, just don't have the necessary skills to be able to defend themselves against the attack.
Reading this got me thinking about how the things we say, and the ways we say them, truly affect others in our lives as well as people we have never met.
Looking at the power of our words over others, and especially children, from a this perspective, we truly need to use caution when we are talking to our children. We need to preview their media- from books and magazines, to television and video games. Children need to be taught how to use their words nicely. They aren't born knowing how to build someone up or tear them down with what they say- they are taught by the examples that are in front of them daily.
I have no idea where this particular poem originated, and I would love to be able to give the author credit. My mom found a copy of it in the newspaper (I think), and cut it out and kept it on the refrigerator for the longest time:
If children live with criticism, they learn to condemn.
If children live with hostility, they learn to fight.
If children live with fear, they learn to be apprehensive.
If children live with pity, they learn to feel sorry for themselves.
If children live with ridicule, they learn to feel shy.
If children live with jealousy, they learn to feel envy.
If children live with shame, they learn to feel guilty.
If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence.
If children live with tolerance, they learn patience.
If children live with praise, they learn appreciation.
If children live with acceptance, they learn to love.
If children live with approval, they learn to like themselves.
If children live with recognition, they learn it is good to have a goal.
If children live with sharing, they learn generosity.
If children live with honesty, they learn truthfulness.
If children live with fairness, they learn justice.
If children live with kindness and consideration, they learn respect.
If children live with security, they learn to have faith in themselves and in those about them.
If children live with friendliness, they learn the world is a nice place in which to live.
This truly sums up why we need to make sure that our children are hearing and learning the best they can from us- their parents and families and friends and caregivers.... Everything they need to learn to be able to be the best they can be starts with us.
This article popped up on my Facebook news feed, shared by at least three friends..... What Really Happens When You Use the R-Word. It gives a great look at how the use of a specific word as a negative and demeaning insult truly diminishes whole groups of people who, as the article states, just don't have the necessary skills to be able to defend themselves against the attack.
Reading this got me thinking about how the things we say, and the ways we say them, truly affect others in our lives as well as people we have never met.
Looking at the power of our words over others, and especially children, from a this perspective, we truly need to use caution when we are talking to our children. We need to preview their media- from books and magazines, to television and video games. Children need to be taught how to use their words nicely. They aren't born knowing how to build someone up or tear them down with what they say- they are taught by the examples that are in front of them daily.
I have no idea where this particular poem originated, and I would love to be able to give the author credit. My mom found a copy of it in the newspaper (I think), and cut it out and kept it on the refrigerator for the longest time:
If children live with criticism, they learn to condemn.
If children live with hostility, they learn to fight.
If children live with fear, they learn to be apprehensive.
If children live with pity, they learn to feel sorry for themselves.
If children live with ridicule, they learn to feel shy.
If children live with jealousy, they learn to feel envy.
If children live with shame, they learn to feel guilty.
If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence.
If children live with tolerance, they learn patience.
If children live with praise, they learn appreciation.
If children live with acceptance, they learn to love.
If children live with approval, they learn to like themselves.
If children live with recognition, they learn it is good to have a goal.
If children live with sharing, they learn generosity.
If children live with honesty, they learn truthfulness.
If children live with fairness, they learn justice.
If children live with kindness and consideration, they learn respect.
If children live with security, they learn to have faith in themselves and in those about them.
If children live with friendliness, they learn the world is a nice place in which to live.
This truly sums up why we need to make sure that our children are hearing and learning the best they can from us- their parents and families and friends and caregivers.... Everything they need to learn to be able to be the best they can be starts with us.
Saturday, March 1, 2014
How to Speak Baby
Well, February was not as productive here as I had hoped, but on to March, and hopefully some increased productivity!
In the course of my work, we are taking a lot of new classes, and learning a lot of new and really cool things. One of the classes talked about looking more in depth on how we teach more, and making sure to plan activities and opportunities to cover a broader range of developmental areas.
Before I go into all the ins and outs, and ups and downs, of child development and get way to technical for everyone, I want to mention how taking some of these classes made me remember one of the first child care teacher classes I got to take. The topic was Infant Sign Language- and from that class, I was hooked. I mean, a way to talk to babies so they can reciprocate? How cool is that!?
There are numerous studies that show that an infant develops their receptive language months ahead of their expressive language. They can smile and coo, they can understand that they are hungry or need a diaper, but their vocal chords are just not developed enough to tell you that they need milk or a change. All they can do is fuss and cry, and hope that you are able to figure out the cue and respond to what they are asking for.
And here is where Infant Sign Language (ISL) comes in so very handy. Around 6-10 months, children learn to connect a gesture with meaning. When you play peek a boo, or pat a cake, or even "So Big!", your child is learning to associate those gestures with specific meanings. And when they learn to clap when you say "Yay!" or wave when you say "Bye bye!", they are taking that a step further by connecting the gestures with specific responses on your part. This is the ideal time to really focus on teaching some basic signs to your child. You can use the American (or whatever your local signing dialect is) Sign Language, or you can make up your own. If you use your own signs, just make sure that all the other care giving adults in your child's life are able to recognize the signs as well. It helps your provider and family encourage your efforts, and just makes things easier for your child.
The first six signs that I teach at the Center are eat, more, all done, milk, please, and diaper. To me, these are the most important things for an infant to be able to communicate to their caregivers.
We use all done mostly when the children are eating. If they seem like they are finished, we ask them if they are all done, while doing the sign. If they don't continue to eat, we will gently take their hands and help them approximate the sign, then begin to clean them up.
The sign for diaper is a great cue for diaper changes. I tell the child "Time for a diaper change." while making the sign, then follow through with the change.
I think that eat is one of the quickest signs learned. You can use it any time that you are going to offer food or drink, though I do teach milk as well, to let the children differentiate when they are getting a bottle or solid foods.
Milk is a great one for infants who are only getting bottles of breast milk or formula, but also for children who are getting whole milk (or an alternative) out of a cup. Like eat, it is a great way for them to let you know what they need without having to get all the way to upset and crying.
More is definitely another favorite. I love to teach it for the children who develop the habit of hitting or kicking a tray to demand their next bite of a meal. It's just much easier on the chair. :) We also will use it if we are playing with the children, to help them let us know when they want more interaction, another book or song, or just more time with someone or something.
I know that please is kind of an abstract concept at the infant stage, but I feel that it is important for children to get a foundation of knowing that there is a better way to ask for something than simply demanding what they want without learning that politeness.
In the course of my work, we are taking a lot of new classes, and learning a lot of new and really cool things. One of the classes talked about looking more in depth on how we teach more, and making sure to plan activities and opportunities to cover a broader range of developmental areas.
Before I go into all the ins and outs, and ups and downs, of child development and get way to technical for everyone, I want to mention how taking some of these classes made me remember one of the first child care teacher classes I got to take. The topic was Infant Sign Language- and from that class, I was hooked. I mean, a way to talk to babies so they can reciprocate? How cool is that!?
There are numerous studies that show that an infant develops their receptive language months ahead of their expressive language. They can smile and coo, they can understand that they are hungry or need a diaper, but their vocal chords are just not developed enough to tell you that they need milk or a change. All they can do is fuss and cry, and hope that you are able to figure out the cue and respond to what they are asking for.
And here is where Infant Sign Language (ISL) comes in so very handy. Around 6-10 months, children learn to connect a gesture with meaning. When you play peek a boo, or pat a cake, or even "So Big!", your child is learning to associate those gestures with specific meanings. And when they learn to clap when you say "Yay!" or wave when you say "Bye bye!", they are taking that a step further by connecting the gestures with specific responses on your part. This is the ideal time to really focus on teaching some basic signs to your child. You can use the American (or whatever your local signing dialect is) Sign Language, or you can make up your own. If you use your own signs, just make sure that all the other care giving adults in your child's life are able to recognize the signs as well. It helps your provider and family encourage your efforts, and just makes things easier for your child.
The first six signs that I teach at the Center are eat, more, all done, milk, please, and diaper. To me, these are the most important things for an infant to be able to communicate to their caregivers.
 |
| All Done |
 |
| Diaper |
 |
| Eat |
 |
| Milk |
 |
| More |
 |
| Please |
There are so many resources out there if you are looking for support in getting started with ISL. A couple that I like are: Baby Signs and Sign 2 Me. Both have a lot of prompts, flash cards, and information to get you started. But you really don't need much. Just an idea of what signs you want to teach, a source to learn those (images.bing.com is great!), and a baby to work with. :) Patience, persistence, and consistency are the main keys. Before you know it, you will be fluently speaking "Baby" with your little one!
Thursday, February 13, 2014
Rewind... Momma needs a do-over
 |
| From: Body Positive |
I borrowed this picture from Body Positive on Facebook... It came across my timeline after being liked by a friend, and I really felt like this was what I work for every day. Except for the 'try'. One of my sweet and beautiful sister's told me once that using 'try' gives you an out to not do what you are working toward. "There is no try, there is either doing or not doing." Such great advice, and since then, I've done my best to trade 'try' for 'working on' or 'doing my best'. Our words have so much power, both to ourselves and others. But that is a topic for another day... :)
Yesterday was definitely one of 'those days'. Everything that could frustrate me had to happen. (OK, maybe not everything, but enough.) It was a long day, and by the time I got home, I just wanted things to go smoothly and to not be so frustrated anymore. But of course, that is the time that every little nit-picky thing happens. Toys not picked up when the kiddos are directed to. Making a mess with supper. Not listening to story time. And that ended up being where my stress got the best of me, and I yelled at my sweet baby doll. *sigh.... Sad momma. And sad, sweet girl.
That was definitely the worst part of my day. She was just too excited about her turn to read to be able to sit still and listen, and my frustration just poured out all over her. After both of our tears were dried, we were able to work out a do-over, and got it much better. Snuggles, songs, hugs and kisses. Being forgiven, even though I won't forget what happened nearly as easily.
That said, I am forever grateful for the opportunities my children give me to be a better mom, a better person, every day. They are some of my biggest reasons for changing that 'try' to 'working on'. Children, in their simple understanding of how things are supposed to work, can give you the best reasons for improving. It is a constant search to help figure things out, and sometimes there is no time to even think about where to look to become the kind of parent you want to be. But the effort is so worth it.
One of the best things that I have learned how to do is ask for another chance. If I mess up, and I will, it is ok to ask for another chance to do it better. Our second bedtime was so much better than the first, and for her made things so much better. We have a little poem that the kids each say before they go to sleep, followed by one thing that made them happy that day that they say thank you for. I was lucky enough to be her one thing that night, even after everything that we had been through. My sweet girl just melts my heart.
Hug your babies extra tight every chance you get. Never miss an opportunity to tell them "I love you." And always remember to ask for a rewind if it gets away from you. That is what they will remember about the situation most... That you cared enough to do your best to make it better for both of you.
Saturday, February 8, 2014
It's OK to Follow Through... Even Through Tears
What a crazy, busy week this feels like it has been! We made it to the climb for Team Briley, and the fundraising was very successful for that. What a wonderful feeling to be part of this effort, and a huge shout out to the climbers and fundraisers on that! I have also been working on some class work that is a required part of my job, which has also energized me on several things to do and bring up in my classroom to improve learning and development for my kiddos there. :)
I recently got to have a conversation about why I feel that it is ok to follow through on what you say you will or are going to with or for a child- even if they get upset about it. The situation was that a caregiver needed both hands to accomplish a task, and told the child she was holding that he would need to be put down for a minute (and really, it would be less than that), and that she would scoop him right back up. Before the child was set all the way down, he was clinging and fussing, and so was told that they would manage to complete the task while she was holding him.
Now, I don't enjoy a sad child any more than the next person does. It is very hard to hear a child cry for you when they just want you to be holding and comforting them. It can be difficult to maneuver around children at your feet when they are clinging to your legs or just sitting right behind you. But it is sometimes necessary for the child to be put down to free both your hands for the job that you need to do.
When you are diapering, for instance, you must have both hands to properly attend to the child on the changing table. When preparing a bottle or cereal, it is better to not have a child on your hip so that they can't knock an open bottle out of your hands, or cough or sneeze into a bottle that is not meant for them. When a bottle or cereal is not meant for the sad child, it is sometimes better to leave them down so they don't grab or put their hands in someone else's food, or just disrupt the meal with a tantrum that they are not getting what they want.
Children learn early about cause and effect. When you speak to your newborn, or stroke their cheek, and they turn their face in your direction. When your infant shakes a rattle and hears the sound, so they try again. When they kick the crib to make the mobile move. When they cry, someone comes to get them, and figures out what they are asking for- and provides it. Children are quick to catch on.
Unfortunately, there can be too much of a good thing. The child whose cries are always responded to with a bottle never learn to soothe without one. The child who is always held and provided with someone to entertain them never learns to play on their own, or to find a toy or activity without adult assistance.
Here is where that follow through comes in to play for an infant. If you say that you need to put a child down for a few minutes, do it- even when they cry at you. It is only for a moment, and there are times that it is for their own or another's health and safety. And this can be just the beginning. What you are teaching them far outweighs the sadness that they feel in the moment. You are showing them that you know that they can be ok for the moment without being held. You are showing them that there are limits in their world. You are teaching them that you will come back to them- and this may be one of the most important of all! Children need to know that they are ok, and that you will return. Starting with small moments allows you to work up to bigger times, where it may take you longer to be able to get back to them.
When you tell a child no, or that they need to be put down for a set period of time, or that they will need to wait for their next bottle because other's are due first, but don't follow through, you are teaching your child that your no isn't important. You are teaching them that with continued crying, you will change your answer... In short, your child is completely in charge. The child that clings and cries so you don't put them down is going to have a harder time when you do put them down if you make a habit of holding them some of the time. They learn that their crying/whining/clinging gets them what they want at the possible expense of health and safety. And every time you give in, you are reinforcing the behavior that you don't want (cry/whine/cling).
It is the same concept for the older child who asks for a toy at the store. If you say no, and they have a tantrum, or they beg and bargain, and you give in, you are reinforcing the negative behavior (begging/ tantrums). Even if you say no some of the time and stick to it, it is harder for your child to accept it if you say no but change to yes even a fraction of the time. What if this would be the time that you change your answer, if they just keep pecking away for another minute? If they scream just a little louder? If they beg just a little harder? If you think you might say yes, simply don't say no. Say that you will think about it. Give them a goal to work on while you are at the store, something simple and clear. If they meet your expectations, give them what they asked for. But there is a catch to that one too... If you give a specific direction for getting what they want, and they choose not to follow it, you have to keep your end of not getting them the toy. Otherwise, you are back to square one of them learning that you don't mean what you say.
Now, why is this important? The infant that doesn't learn that you will follow through on the directions that distress them, the toddler that doesn't learn to pick up their toys, the preschooler who learns that they can dictate their supper from the meal you planned to a PB-J... These habits can build into a child who can (and likely will) defy you on the more important issues. Don't play in the road. Stay by me in parking lots and crowded stores. Doing homework. Staying away from illegal and unsafe habits or choices. Don't hurt other people. I know it can sound silly to think that something like letting an infant dictate weather you hold them when it would really be safer for both of you if you set them down and let them fuss for 20 seconds could lead to worrying about future illegal choices, but learning starts at the beginning. It's like the ripples on the pond on the movie Pocahontas... Something can start out small, and get bigger and bigger, and you never know where it will end up.
On the flip side of this, do your best to reinforce the positives. Notice when they are playing happily without your assistance, and comment on that in an upbeat tone of voice. They may not understand your words, but they will understand your tone. When they are able to wait (even somewhat) calmly or quietly for you to be able to pick them back up, tell them how well they did waiting, again in that upbeat tone. Be sure to teach yourself to be specific in your praise, not just a general good job. This lets the child hear what they did, so that they can start associating it with their (and your) actions.
In my personal experience as a caregiver, as an educator, as a parent, it is so important for children to have clear limits and directions, and clear consequences for making choices counter to those directions. It is important for us to teach children that their are limits, and that sometimes the answer is "no" or "not now" or "you will need to wait a bit." It doesn't do children any favors to always hear yes. It only makes it more difficult when they encounter someone who can't say yes as well.
I recently got to have a conversation about why I feel that it is ok to follow through on what you say you will or are going to with or for a child- even if they get upset about it. The situation was that a caregiver needed both hands to accomplish a task, and told the child she was holding that he would need to be put down for a minute (and really, it would be less than that), and that she would scoop him right back up. Before the child was set all the way down, he was clinging and fussing, and so was told that they would manage to complete the task while she was holding him.
Now, I don't enjoy a sad child any more than the next person does. It is very hard to hear a child cry for you when they just want you to be holding and comforting them. It can be difficult to maneuver around children at your feet when they are clinging to your legs or just sitting right behind you. But it is sometimes necessary for the child to be put down to free both your hands for the job that you need to do.
When you are diapering, for instance, you must have both hands to properly attend to the child on the changing table. When preparing a bottle or cereal, it is better to not have a child on your hip so that they can't knock an open bottle out of your hands, or cough or sneeze into a bottle that is not meant for them. When a bottle or cereal is not meant for the sad child, it is sometimes better to leave them down so they don't grab or put their hands in someone else's food, or just disrupt the meal with a tantrum that they are not getting what they want.
Children learn early about cause and effect. When you speak to your newborn, or stroke their cheek, and they turn their face in your direction. When your infant shakes a rattle and hears the sound, so they try again. When they kick the crib to make the mobile move. When they cry, someone comes to get them, and figures out what they are asking for- and provides it. Children are quick to catch on.
Unfortunately, there can be too much of a good thing. The child whose cries are always responded to with a bottle never learn to soothe without one. The child who is always held and provided with someone to entertain them never learns to play on their own, or to find a toy or activity without adult assistance.
Here is where that follow through comes in to play for an infant. If you say that you need to put a child down for a few minutes, do it- even when they cry at you. It is only for a moment, and there are times that it is for their own or another's health and safety. And this can be just the beginning. What you are teaching them far outweighs the sadness that they feel in the moment. You are showing them that you know that they can be ok for the moment without being held. You are showing them that there are limits in their world. You are teaching them that you will come back to them- and this may be one of the most important of all! Children need to know that they are ok, and that you will return. Starting with small moments allows you to work up to bigger times, where it may take you longer to be able to get back to them.
When you tell a child no, or that they need to be put down for a set period of time, or that they will need to wait for their next bottle because other's are due first, but don't follow through, you are teaching your child that your no isn't important. You are teaching them that with continued crying, you will change your answer... In short, your child is completely in charge. The child that clings and cries so you don't put them down is going to have a harder time when you do put them down if you make a habit of holding them some of the time. They learn that their crying/whining/clinging gets them what they want at the possible expense of health and safety. And every time you give in, you are reinforcing the behavior that you don't want (cry/whine/cling).
It is the same concept for the older child who asks for a toy at the store. If you say no, and they have a tantrum, or they beg and bargain, and you give in, you are reinforcing the negative behavior (begging/ tantrums). Even if you say no some of the time and stick to it, it is harder for your child to accept it if you say no but change to yes even a fraction of the time. What if this would be the time that you change your answer, if they just keep pecking away for another minute? If they scream just a little louder? If they beg just a little harder? If you think you might say yes, simply don't say no. Say that you will think about it. Give them a goal to work on while you are at the store, something simple and clear. If they meet your expectations, give them what they asked for. But there is a catch to that one too... If you give a specific direction for getting what they want, and they choose not to follow it, you have to keep your end of not getting them the toy. Otherwise, you are back to square one of them learning that you don't mean what you say.
Now, why is this important? The infant that doesn't learn that you will follow through on the directions that distress them, the toddler that doesn't learn to pick up their toys, the preschooler who learns that they can dictate their supper from the meal you planned to a PB-J... These habits can build into a child who can (and likely will) defy you on the more important issues. Don't play in the road. Stay by me in parking lots and crowded stores. Doing homework. Staying away from illegal and unsafe habits or choices. Don't hurt other people. I know it can sound silly to think that something like letting an infant dictate weather you hold them when it would really be safer for both of you if you set them down and let them fuss for 20 seconds could lead to worrying about future illegal choices, but learning starts at the beginning. It's like the ripples on the pond on the movie Pocahontas... Something can start out small, and get bigger and bigger, and you never know where it will end up.
On the flip side of this, do your best to reinforce the positives. Notice when they are playing happily without your assistance, and comment on that in an upbeat tone of voice. They may not understand your words, but they will understand your tone. When they are able to wait (even somewhat) calmly or quietly for you to be able to pick them back up, tell them how well they did waiting, again in that upbeat tone. Be sure to teach yourself to be specific in your praise, not just a general good job. This lets the child hear what they did, so that they can start associating it with their (and your) actions.
In my personal experience as a caregiver, as an educator, as a parent, it is so important for children to have clear limits and directions, and clear consequences for making choices counter to those directions. It is important for us to teach children that their are limits, and that sometimes the answer is "no" or "not now" or "you will need to wait a bit." It doesn't do children any favors to always hear yes. It only makes it more difficult when they encounter someone who can't say yes as well.
Tuesday, January 7, 2014
The Science Behind Listening
It's interesting how children listen to you... Or don't, as the case may be. As I mentioned, I have a 2 year old, a 4 year old, and a 6 year old. And their listening skills are so highly developed, it makes me wonder where I lost some of mine.
For example, I can be in the same room as Little Man, and tell him that he needs to do something. Or stop jumping on or off the couch. Or to walk in the house so he doesn't plow the Super Baby over. And he can't hear me! See how developed that is? He can tune directions right out when they are spoken at a normal, indoor tone, not 10 feet from him. And as I can admit to being a frustrated momma at times, there are times I've raised my voice... OK, even yelled when he (or one of the others) was doing something that he'd been told not to several times, and I was concerned about safety. Or just wanted him to stop. And he still can't hear me. But, when I get up, in preparation for getting within arms reach to physically stop him, he heard it all, and stops. Magical, huh?
And the other two are the same way.
My other favorite (ha, ha) example of listening is the repeated questioning. As a professional, I know that children learn by asking questions, and that they may honestly not be able to remember the answer you give for long. And that many children will repeat the same question to make sure that you give the same answer every time. Unfortunately, as I and many other parents know, this can become frustrating for the adults in the situation. We may begin thinking, "Does this child even hear what I am saying? I just answered this question 2 minutes ago!"
Both of these situations can lead to stress and frustration for parents, children, and care givers. And that is just no fun for any one. No one wants to spend their day getting after their child for climbing the furniture, or being a human snow plow, or just being in your face to the point that neither of you is having fun any more.
Fortunately, there is a multitude of information on parenting and communicating with your child. Unfortunately, there is so much information out there that it can be overwhelming. Add in the caring and well meaning advice of friends and family, and it can be downright scary to try anything.
One of the first books I read, which actually also became one of my go-to methods, was 1-2-3 Magic: Effective Discipline for 2-12, by Dr. Thomas Phalen (1). The most basic premise of this method is that you (the parent or caregiver) outline what behaviors you want to stop, and decide what the consequence will be if your child continues the behavior. You don't argue or escalate, you simply count. Say "That's one" with the first notice of the behavior, "That's two" if it continues or becomes a second negative (such as arguing about stopping the behavior), and "That's three, [insert consequence here.]" On the flip side of that is also deciding behaviors you want to encourage, and deciding on a support system for those. For example, I want my children to have a routine at home. I have a sticker chart schedule that outlines several things I need them to do during the day- like getting ready in the morning, taking a nap or rest, and getting ready for bed. They can earn stickers or draw smiling faces when they are able to accomplish their tasks, and if they get the previously decided number of stickers, they get a pre-drawn reward. We keep an assortment of wide craft sticks that list rewards like a movie night, art supplies, play dough party and so on. At the beginning of the week, one is drawn and displayed to remind the children what they are working toward.
There are many, many more books out there on helping children listen, but I haven't had a chance to check them all out. If you have suggestions, feel free to share in the comments! I am always looking for more to learn.
My other stand-by for repetitive questioning is to reply with, "Already answered." When Baby Doll asks again what is for supper, and I have already responded once or twice, I will say, "Already answered." And usually, she can tell me what is for supper. Or if she can have Lego's out. Or if we can watch a movie. Or pretty much anything. "Already answered." What a great idea. Unfortunately, I can't find the article where I read about this idea, so I can't give it's author credit now. But when I find it again, I will make sure to link it to share.
Listening and discipline go hand in hand. Helping children learn to listen is such a critical skill. I can't wait for the day when my own children listen the first time I say something, every time. But I guess when that happens, I'll wake up from the dream. Oh, well... Understanding that this exceptional listening is a part of a child's development keeps me from going too crazy when it seems to be going around a lot. Hopefully, it helps out others, too.
For example, I can be in the same room as Little Man, and tell him that he needs to do something. Or stop jumping on or off the couch. Or to walk in the house so he doesn't plow the Super Baby over. And he can't hear me! See how developed that is? He can tune directions right out when they are spoken at a normal, indoor tone, not 10 feet from him. And as I can admit to being a frustrated momma at times, there are times I've raised my voice... OK, even yelled when he (or one of the others) was doing something that he'd been told not to several times, and I was concerned about safety. Or just wanted him to stop. And he still can't hear me. But, when I get up, in preparation for getting within arms reach to physically stop him, he heard it all, and stops. Magical, huh?
And the other two are the same way.
My other favorite (ha, ha) example of listening is the repeated questioning. As a professional, I know that children learn by asking questions, and that they may honestly not be able to remember the answer you give for long. And that many children will repeat the same question to make sure that you give the same answer every time. Unfortunately, as I and many other parents know, this can become frustrating for the adults in the situation. We may begin thinking, "Does this child even hear what I am saying? I just answered this question 2 minutes ago!"
Both of these situations can lead to stress and frustration for parents, children, and care givers. And that is just no fun for any one. No one wants to spend their day getting after their child for climbing the furniture, or being a human snow plow, or just being in your face to the point that neither of you is having fun any more.
Fortunately, there is a multitude of information on parenting and communicating with your child. Unfortunately, there is so much information out there that it can be overwhelming. Add in the caring and well meaning advice of friends and family, and it can be downright scary to try anything.
One of the first books I read, which actually also became one of my go-to methods, was 1-2-3 Magic: Effective Discipline for 2-12, by Dr. Thomas Phalen (1). The most basic premise of this method is that you (the parent or caregiver) outline what behaviors you want to stop, and decide what the consequence will be if your child continues the behavior. You don't argue or escalate, you simply count. Say "That's one" with the first notice of the behavior, "That's two" if it continues or becomes a second negative (such as arguing about stopping the behavior), and "That's three, [insert consequence here.]" On the flip side of that is also deciding behaviors you want to encourage, and deciding on a support system for those. For example, I want my children to have a routine at home. I have a sticker chart schedule that outlines several things I need them to do during the day- like getting ready in the morning, taking a nap or rest, and getting ready for bed. They can earn stickers or draw smiling faces when they are able to accomplish their tasks, and if they get the previously decided number of stickers, they get a pre-drawn reward. We keep an assortment of wide craft sticks that list rewards like a movie night, art supplies, play dough party and so on. At the beginning of the week, one is drawn and displayed to remind the children what they are working toward.
There are many, many more books out there on helping children listen, but I haven't had a chance to check them all out. If you have suggestions, feel free to share in the comments! I am always looking for more to learn.
My other stand-by for repetitive questioning is to reply with, "Already answered." When Baby Doll asks again what is for supper, and I have already responded once or twice, I will say, "Already answered." And usually, she can tell me what is for supper. Or if she can have Lego's out. Or if we can watch a movie. Or pretty much anything. "Already answered." What a great idea. Unfortunately, I can't find the article where I read about this idea, so I can't give it's author credit now. But when I find it again, I will make sure to link it to share.
Listening and discipline go hand in hand. Helping children learn to listen is such a critical skill. I can't wait for the day when my own children listen the first time I say something, every time. But I guess when that happens, I'll wake up from the dream. Oh, well... Understanding that this exceptional listening is a part of a child's development keeps me from going too crazy when it seems to be going around a lot. Hopefully, it helps out others, too.
Monday, January 6, 2014
RSVP Allergy
So, today was one of those really cold days that we are lucky enough not to get too often. I know that there are those who really like the cold, and those who don't, and I fall closer to the group that doesn't. Especially when it is this cold outside, and I can't take my munchkins out to play in the snow.
Anyways, it was cold enough that a lot of places were shut down for the day. Little man was excited about being able to spend the day with dad, since he wasn't scheduled to work last night, and with the temperatures plus wind chill, I opted to leave the other two home with them. Why take chances?
We ended up with about 1/2 of our expected children at The Center today. While it was nice to have an unexpectedly quiet day, what wasn't as nice about it was the several people who didn't call to let us know that their children were not coming in today. Now, I get that there are people out there who see child care professionals as 'baby- sitters'. But, we are in fact trained professionals, and we do care very much for your child as well as for the parent(s) who come with the children. Communication is such a huge part of what we do.
You might wonder why it bothers me that parents don't call in when their child will be late or won't be joining us for a fun-filled day of learning, play, and adventure. Isn't it simply easier to have fewer children in attendance? And to this, I have a two part answer.
The first part of that reason is, as I stated, that we care. We do worry when children don't arrive when they are scheduled to. Are you or your child sick? Have you been in an accident? Has something happened to you, your child, or a loved one? All of this and more may run through our heads, and in some cases there are things that we can or should do to help your child and family through something that is going on in your life outside of the time that your child is with us. It helps us to know that a loved one has passed away, whether it is a pet or a human family member. We are better able to provide the care your child needs if we have been told that your child has been under the weather. The more we know, the better we can provide the quality of care that you expect for your child when you choose a child care setting for them.
The second part of the reason is a bit more practical. Child care centers and homes are required to follow strict child to teacher ratios. If we don't know that you are planning to bring your child in today, and we send staff home because your child would make the difference in having that one more teacher in the building or room, we may not be able to accommodate having your child stay when you come in late. It is impractical for an employer to have an employee standing around, waiting for something to do. And in situations like we had today, the difference between having people out and driving in the cold and icy conditions that we had today can be significant.
It really doesn't take much to let your provider know that your child will be in late or not at all. To me, it is a little like sending out invitations to a party, and asking for an RSVP so that you know how much food and supplies you will need. If no one lets you know if they are coming to your party or not, you may suppose that no one is planning to come. So you have nothing ready, and then you are unprepared when they come.
This is what I call RSVP Allergy. Maybe not a true allergy, but it is hard for me to understand not taking a few minutes to let someone whom I know cares for my child know that we are ok (or not, if your child is sick and unable to attend), and that we will be back the next day or the one after that.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)