It's interesting how children listen to you... Or don't, as the case may be. As I mentioned, I have a 2 year old, a 4 year old, and a 6 year old. And their listening skills are so highly developed, it makes me wonder where I lost some of mine.
For example, I can be in the same room as Little Man, and tell him that he needs to do something. Or stop jumping on or off the couch. Or to walk in the house so he doesn't plow the Super Baby over. And he can't hear me! See how developed that is? He can tune directions right out when they are spoken at a normal, indoor tone, not 10 feet from him. And as I can admit to being a frustrated momma at times, there are times I've raised my voice... OK, even yelled when he (or one of the others) was doing something that he'd been told not to several times, and I was concerned about safety. Or just wanted him to stop. And he still can't hear me. But, when I get up, in preparation for getting within arms reach to physically stop him, he heard it all, and stops. Magical, huh?
And the other two are the same way.
My other favorite (ha, ha) example of listening is the repeated questioning. As a professional, I know that children learn by asking questions, and that they may honestly not be able to remember the answer you give for long. And that many children will repeat the same question to make sure that you give the same answer every time. Unfortunately, as I and many other parents know, this can become frustrating for the adults in the situation. We may begin thinking, "Does this child even hear what I am saying? I just answered this question 2 minutes ago!"
Both of these situations can lead to stress and frustration for parents, children, and care givers. And that is just no fun for any one. No one wants to spend their day getting after their child for climbing the furniture, or being a human snow plow, or just being in your face to the point that neither of you is having fun any more.
Fortunately, there is a multitude of information on parenting and communicating with your child. Unfortunately, there is so much information out there that it can be overwhelming. Add in the caring and well meaning advice of friends and family, and it can be downright scary to try anything.
One of the first books I read, which actually also became one of my go-to methods, was 1-2-3 Magic: Effective Discipline for 2-12, by Dr. Thomas Phalen (1). The most basic premise of this method is that you (the parent or caregiver) outline what behaviors you want to stop, and decide what the consequence will be if your child continues the behavior. You don't argue or escalate, you simply count. Say "That's one" with the first notice of the behavior, "That's two" if it continues or becomes a second negative (such as arguing about stopping the behavior), and "That's three, [insert consequence here.]" On the flip side of that is also deciding behaviors you want to encourage, and deciding on a support system for those. For example, I want my children to have a routine at home. I have a sticker chart schedule that outlines several things I need them to do during the day- like getting ready in the morning, taking a nap or rest, and getting ready for bed. They can earn stickers or draw smiling faces when they are able to accomplish their tasks, and if they get the previously decided number of stickers, they get a pre-drawn reward. We keep an assortment of wide craft sticks that list rewards like a movie night, art supplies, play dough party and so on. At the beginning of the week, one is drawn and displayed to remind the children what they are working toward.
There are many, many more books out there on helping children listen, but I haven't had a chance to check them all out. If you have suggestions, feel free to share in the comments! I am always looking for more to learn.
My other stand-by for repetitive questioning is to reply with, "Already answered." When Baby Doll asks again what is for supper, and I have already responded once or twice, I will say, "Already answered." And usually, she can tell me what is for supper. Or if she can have Lego's out. Or if we can watch a movie. Or pretty much anything. "Already answered." What a great idea. Unfortunately, I can't find the article where I read about this idea, so I can't give it's author credit now. But when I find it again, I will make sure to link it to share.
Listening and discipline go hand in hand. Helping children learn to listen is such a critical skill. I can't wait for the day when my own children listen the first time I say something, every time. But I guess when that happens, I'll wake up from the dream. Oh, well... Understanding that this exceptional listening is a part of a child's development keeps me from going too crazy when it seems to be going around a lot. Hopefully, it helps out others, too.
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