The Indulged Child

**I am not attempting to criticize or attack ANYONE's choices in parenting, merely pointing out my perspective on habits and behaviors of children I've known (including my own).

There are so many ways of raising your children, it would be all but impossible to list them.  One little thing that you do differently than the next person can exemplify such a difference in the choices you make as opposed to your sister, your  best friend, or your own mother.  And that's not a bad thing.  There are just as many different children out there as there are parenting styles to care for them.   There is no one right way; just different ways.

However, in working as a professional child care provider, I have observed habits and reactions in children which I have named the Indulged Child Syndrome.  In my experience, there can be too much giving in to a child, even an infant.  Children are so smart; it doesn't take them long at all to learn cause and effect.  I mean, that's how they learn to let us know that they have needs.  They cry, and we help them out with food, a clean diaper, a warm snuggle.  The difficult situations that I have observed stem from children who haven't heard 'no' or 'wait'.

I totally understand that a lot (in fact, almost all) of the children in my care are the only child in their homes.  And it is a complete culture shock to go from being the one and only, to one of four, with up to 12 infants and three adults to care for them.  It's loud and sounds different, it smells different, it looks different, and mom and/or dad is not there to rescue them.  Pretty scary when you're so little.  But the child who learns instant gratification for everything is going to have a hard time when they need to be able to work in a group:  when they start kindergarten, when they join a team or club, when they get a job...  Babies are very self centered, but it is helpful all around for them to know that waiting doesn't mean that they are forgotten.

I love rocking the sweet babies at work to sleep.  Now that my super baby is a big boy toddler, he does better falling asleep on his own, in his bed.  Otherwise, he has too much fun trying to play with me when he should be going to sleep.  But I sure do miss those cuddles from when he (and both of my others) was my little guy (or gal) and I could rock him to sleep at night.  Now, I get my fix during the day.  And sometimes, I swear that they think that is all I have to do.  After a child falls asleep,  I like to give them about 5-10 more minutes, depending on the child, to make sure that they are all the way asleep before I try to lay them in their crib.  However, I do have on occasion children who will be sound asleep in your arms until the thought that you could lay them down crosses your mind.  I mean, I don't even have to prepare to stand up, I'm just thinking that I've been sitting with them sleeping for a while... Aaaand there's those beautiful eyes.   It can be so hard, because they so need a nap and you work so hard to help them get the sleep they need so badly...  I don't always know what to say to parents about that.  I've had so many to whom I explain this interesting conundrum, and they tell me how their darling goes down just fine at home.  And it could be as simple as the center being so different in so many ways from home.   But I've also had some that tell me that their child only sleeps when they are held.  Or in the swing, infant seat, or car seat.  Or on the couch, boppy, or pack'n'play.  And unfortunately, those are all places I'm not allowed to let the children nap, due to safety concerns.  But it sure can be hard when we spend so much time helping a child get to sleep for a nap they desperately need only to be unable to lay them in the safe place we need to use.

Another stressful habit in babies is the need to be fed to calm down.  One thing I learned pretty quickly when I started working full time with just infants is that they cry for A LOT more reasons than that they are hungry.  If a child has just eaten, like within the last 60-90 minutes, it's good to check for a diaper change, the temperature of their area, when they woke up last, if they need help soothing, and how long they've been at an activity before offering more to eat.  If all else checks out, and your little one is still fussy, by all means offer something to drink/eat.  But usually, it's not the first thing needed.  Here is a great article from the blog at nursingdegree.net, which lists some possible outcomes and dangers of infant obesity.

The last indulged child habit I wanted to touch on tonight is the child who doesn't know how to entertain themselves, or soothe even slightly.  I have yet to sprout an extra set of arms to hold the child who needs that to be able to calm while changing another's diaper, or making bottles without worrying about the open bottle getting knocked over or sneezed into, or feeding another two,...  The list is endless.  We make jokes at work about our multi-tasking skills, but the truth is, it really is necessary at times.  There is always something more that needs to be done, and in our efforts to get the children cared for in as timely and caring a manner as possible, we truly have to be able to pull off some awesome feats.  (HUGE kudos here to all the wonderful caregivers I've had the privilege to work with, and all the others out there who chose this crazy, awesome, stressful, magical line of work).  It can be so hard to have that child follow you everywhere you step, upset and not able to understand why you can't stop and hold them.  After all, that's something that (I would imagine) can happen at home.  So why do you have to take care of that other kid over there?  I'm here, and desperate for you.  I wish there was a way that I could explain to them how very important they each are to me, and how much I would love nothing better than a staff that is just there to make bottles, and change diapers, and feed cereal and purees and lunches, and clean up after everyone, and do my paperwork so that I can spend all day just sitting with them and getting them what they need.  (If my boss sees that, she'll probably laugh hysterically at me for thinking it, but, hey, a girl can dream, right?  :))  Since that isn't going to happen any time soon ever, I have to do the best I can.  But there are days where it is so hard to listen to that sadness when I have to be doing something else.

So many of the habits and routines that children need are begun in infancy.  It is so important that our children have the best start possible.   When children are given too much input into the habits and routines that are set up for them, the potential for more difficulty arises.  Figuring out the best balance of getting and giving your child what they need while allowing them the choices they want is a path that parents and caregivers walk daily.  Communication is such a key to providing understanding and continuity for your child.  And you are the one who knows your child best.  

The Importance of Music

So, Pandora has become my new best friend.  I mean, limitless stations, few commercials...  There's something for everyone.  I think I put music on for about 90% of my day.   There's just something about having the tunes going that makes the day great, even if it's cold, windy, and there's so much snow outside the window, you can only see the top half of a three story apartment building.  But, anyway...  Maybe that's just Minnesota.

I love music.  There is very little that I won't listen to.  Like rap.  I just don't get the words most of the time, so I tend not to try too  hard.  But pretty much anything else is fair game.  And I make sure that all my kiddos (at work and at home) are exposed to a variety of musical styles.  Different genres give different experiences, and it is such a simple way to expand their vocabulary and exposure to culture.

Music can be a great teaching tool. Singing gets children's attention in a way that simply speaking to them doesn't, and can't.  Like the clean up song....  Tell a child five times that he needs to clean up, and he keeps right on playing.  But sing that song, and poof!  He can get the toys on the shelf before the end of the song.  Or for learning writing.  When Little Man went to kindergarten, his music teacher taught them songs for each of the numbers.  "Start at the top, and go straight down!  Start at the top, and go straight down.  Start at the top, and go straight down!  And that's a number 1!"  Or for listening, sharing, and being a good friend.  There are so many studies that show that knowledge set to music is retained much better than if it is just spoken.

I also love music as background noise.  While I am sewing, I will usually have my phone plugged in nearby, with Pandora going.  Even now, as I write, I have the Pink station playing.  And I almost always have music playing while I am at work, for both myself and the children.  It is something to focus on when things get stressful, and it can set the mood for the room.  If the kids are wound up, putting on something quiet and soothing can help them to calm down.  If it is playtime, putting on some Raffi or Greg and Steve gives us music and movement songs as a template for play.


Songs and finger plays also play a part in developing knowledge in children.  They learn the sounds of language, and the predictability of speech.  A child learns what to expect next.  And the movements that go along with it helps them to develop a sense of balance and response. There are songs for counting and patterns, colors, seasons, days of the week, months of the year... The list is endless, especially if you are creative and make up your own songs for them.  And using the same songs for specific parts of the day (nap time, anyone?) can help cue children for transitions.

One other big reason I love to expose children to music is the variety across cultures.  The music that is popular in the U.S. can be very different from what is popular in Ireland, Japan, or India.  And it is such a great experience for children to hear the different styles of music.  Their brains are so busy hearing the patterns and rhythms of the music, they don't even realize how much they are learning without even trying.

So, sing away!  Your child isn't Simon Cowell, and will love the time, the fun, and the sheer silliness that can come from enjoying music together.

Gardening

I found this picture on Facebook the other day, and decided it perfectly captures how I feel about gardening.  I love my gardens!  When we bought our house a couple years ago, there was one approximately 10' garden box out back, plus four flower beds.  I was in heaven!  Space to garden, and have flowers?  Nothing better.  

Now, I have three garden boxes, and still the four flower beds.  I love watching my kids in the garden.  They love to help pull weeds, and check on the plants, and pick the vegetables as they become ready.  And there is so much to be learned from 'playing' in the dirt.

I just ordered my seeds for this year (at least most of them, I might be picking up a few more), and I can't wait to get some seedlings started.  There is nothing like watching those little sprouts grow.  And it is such a great science project for the children, to plant seeds and watch them grow.  To be able to give them a part of growing the food we eat.  I remember when I was a kid, and we planted bean seeds in a plastic bag with a wet paper towel, so that we could watch the roots and sprout grow.  It was one of the coolest things ever, at the time.  And it's still pretty cool, to watch my children learn about it as well.

The other part of gardening with my children that I love is that they can engage their senses.  They can feel the coolness of the soil, the temperature and texture of the plants, the smoothness of a tomato or squash,  taste the produce fresh off the plant.  We took a day trip to a Children's Museum which had a sensory garden on the roof.  It was really fun for the kids to be able to touch and smell the plants. They used a lot of herbs there, but really any plant is going to give a great sensory experience. 

Edible gardens are another way to engage children in gardening and the world around them.  homegrown.org  has some great suggestions on plants to choose for an edible garden, along with the ways that they benefit children.  

 Gardens can be as simple as a couple pots or as elaborate as raised beds (which actually aren't too complicated), but are so great.  And if you just don't have the space at your home to dedicate to a garden, or if you live in a rental unit where a garden isn't allowed, check out community gardens in your area.  We did a community plot for a couple years before we were able to have our own garden at  home.  It was a great experience for myself and my children to see people working together on the gardens.  Even after we had our own beds at home, my children would ask when we were going back to the community garden. 

One other thing that I have begun looking into is Square Foot Gardening.  The basic premise of SFG is to take the sheer volume of space needed to grow a garden, and pare it down to just what is needed to grow the plants.  It takes out the aisles between the rows, and it veers away from the rows as well by planting more and shorter rows, closer together.  I would definitely recommend it as a go-to book for gardening.

Consider getting out there, and exploring the wonder of nature through gardening!  It is such a great way to spend time, and the rewards of fresh produce are too many to count!  (And watching your child pick the veggies that they get to eat for supper is awesome!)

Cystic Fibrosis and Sewing

So, you might be wondering what Cystic Fibrosis (CF) and sewing have in common, or maybe how they go together for a blog post.  In this case, what they have in common is... me.  Well, me (who likes to sew) and the links that go from me to my brother-in-law, Dave, to his sister, to her baby daughter-- who has CF.  Here are some links to Briley's story...  Go meet one of the cutest baby girls ever, and then I will explain how I am using my love of sewing and creating to help her out.

Team Briley
An Epic Adventurer
The Cystic Fibrosis Foundation 

I simply cannot imagine what this family is going through.  To be told that your child is life threateningly ill, that there are thing that can be done for her, that her life span is barely the age you are now (or not quite, or less than... depending on where you are on your journey.)  But, how can I not do what I can to help?

One thing that I am doing is sewing and selling. Today, I made a Kindle cover that will be sold and the money sent in to support the climb and CF foundation.  And here, I will show you the process that went into it, so that if you need a cover for your Kindle (or other tablet), it isn't such a mystery how to make a cute, customized cover.

Here it is!  This is my first ever tutorial, and I didn't follow any pattern or directions, so bear with me, and feel free to ask any questions you may have!

I started by measuring my Kindle... My children think that my cutting mat is a drawing board, so it is a little decorated.  However, since I can still see the numbers, it works just fine for me. :)

My Kindle measures 4 3/4 inches by 6 3/4 inches, and is about 1/2 inch thick.

Knowing this allows me to do some math.  Not my most favorite either, but here goes:

To find out how long I needed to cut the inner and outer pieces for the cover I added the 4 3/4" width x2 (9 1/2") + the thickness (1/2") + additional length to keep the edge of the Kindle from sticking out the open side (1") + 3/8" seam allowance x2 (3/4") for a total of 11 3/4".  

The height is calculated by adding the height of the Kindle (6 3/4") + additional height (1") + 3/8" seam allowance x2 (3/4") for a total of 8 1/2".

First, you want to iron the material you are using.  These two are pieces I bought at JoAnn's a while ago, and never used.  Just a lightweight cotton.  I am using the red as my main outside piece, and for the inner pocket to hold the Kindle, and the blue as the outside contrast/binding and the inside lining.

Time to cut!  You will want to cut 

-one 11 3/4" x 8 3/4" rectangle out of each of the red and blue.  I like to lay the two together when I cut, as they will come out exactly the same size then.  These become the inner and outer layers of the cover

Out of the red, you will also need

-two rectangles 5 3/4" x 8.  (Pocket backing)

-One rectangle 3 1/2" x 14" (Pocket corners)

Out of the blue, you will also need

-one rectangle 4 1/2" x 8 1/2"  (Binding, optional)

Out of a sheet of plastic or cardboard, you will need to cut 2 rectangles 5 1/2" x 7 1/2".  If you are using cardboard, I would recommend covering it with book tape or duct tape, to help keep it more sturdy and wet proof.

You will also need a length of 1/4" ribbon, 24" long and a 1" button.

On the wrong side of the binding, measure and mark 1/2" on the long sides.

Fold the fabric to the line you marked and iron the fold.

Fold both your outside piece and your binding piece in half, and iron the folds.  This makes it much easier to line up the centers, so the binding is centered on the cover.  :) 

I missed a picture here, but open the fold of your binding, and lay the fold of your outer cover in the fold.  Pin in place, and stitch down 1/4 inch from the binding fold.

Beautiful!

Decide on which side will be the front cover.  Sew on your button, about in the middle, and 1" from the outer edge. You want to make sure that you aren't so close to the outer edge that the button interfers with the seam allowance.  Once the button is on, the outer part of the cover is finished. Set it aside.

Assemblig the pocket:

Take your 3 1/2"x14" strip, and fold it in half, with the right side out.  Iron the crease.  Fold it in half, matching the short ends up, and iron this crease.  Repeat, so you have four sections between folds.  Cut on the folds so you have four equal pieces.

To lay the pieces on the corners, measure in 2 1/4" from each corner on the short sides, and up or down 2 1/2" from each corner on the long sides.  These marks will becme the guides for placing your pocket corners.

Lay one folded piece, with the fold toward the center of the pocket on each corner.  The corners of the backing pieces should overhang the folded strips just a little bit. Pin in place carefully.

Lay the second backing piece face down on top of the first.  Pin.

Sew around all the edges, leaving a space between the corner pockets on one long side to turn it.  It is much easier to turn from the side than the end.  :)

Cut off all the extra corner pocket pieces, and trim the extra fabric on the corners.  This will let you have nicer, less bulky corners.  Use a crochet hook, or similar tool, to gently turn the corners.  Press, making sure to tuck the seam allowance on the opening under.  

Tuck your tablet into the pocket to ensure a good and at least slightly snug fit.  You don't want it to fall out of the pocket.  If it is too loose, you can turn it inside out again, and sew a new seam just inside the first one.  Don't go in too far, or you will make your corner pockets too small.

Fold your inner cover piece in half, right sides together, and iron the fold.  Open, and lay your pocket on the side of the fold that will be the back cover.  You want to be just a bit to the left of center, because you have to leave room for your seam allowance.  Pin and sew close to the edges of your pocket, closing up the opening you left to turn your pocket right side out. 

When you get to the corners, stitch a bit under the corner pocket, and then diagonally across to the next side. 

Tie a loose knot in one end of your ribbon and pin it on the seam next to the middle of your pocket.  Loop up the rest of the ribbon, and pin it on the middle of the pocket to keep it out of the way when you are sewing the next seam. 

Lay the cover pieces together, so that the button is on the opposite end from where you pinned the ribbon. I have both pieces face up here to show directionality, but you want to make sure that the pieces are facing before you sew.

 Sew around both short ends, and one long side, leaving the opposite long side completely open.  Clip the corners, and turn right side out.  Choose a decoratve stitch, and sew a 1/2" seam down the folds in the middle, separating the front and back covers, and creating a spine.  Press the whole cover, being careful of the butotn.

Time to slide the panels in.  Put one in each side, making sure that you have the most wet proof side to the outside.  This will significantly lessen the damage if liquid gets on the cover.  Trim the end or side as needed to ensure a snug, yet easy, fit.

Fold the open ends in, keeping them snug to the panels.  Sew 1/4" from the edge all the way around.

Insert your device, and you are ready to rock!

The cover pictured here is for sale to benefit Team Briley and the Cystic Fibrosis Fund.  I am taking a limited number of orders.  If you would like one, they will be $20.00 + shipping. Contact me at wonderingmomma@outlook.com for more information.

Discussing Parenting Techniques, Part 1

While scrolling through Facebook the other day, I came across this blog article, published on BabyCenter's page:  RIE Parenting Philosophy

Go ahead and check it out quick.  I'll wait.  It was an interesting read, even though I didn't completely agree with all of the points made.

Disclaimer:  I am not attempting to suggest that the methods that work for me are the only way to raise/care for a child, nor that this is the wrong way to do so.  Simply why I agree or disagree with some of the points made.

According to RIE, use of a pacifier is similar to telling a child that they need to be quiet.  In my experience, a child who wants or needs to cry is going to cry, even if you offer a pacifier.  If they are hungry, it won't help for long.  If they are too hot or cold, they will let you know.  If they need a diaper change... You get the idea. All three of my children used a pacifier.  For me, it was a logical thing.  I am a breastfeeding mother, and each of my children developed a yeast rash called thrush.  As a result, I had to deal with it as well.  One way to help decrease the amount of yeast that was causing the rash was to be able to thoroughly sanitize anything that went into their mouths.  This meant a course of anti-yeast medication for each child and myself, as well as heat sanitizing their pacifiers.  I would not be able to do this with their fingers, and the things I could do to clean their hands were not as effective as sanitizing the pacifiers.  I also preferred that they not be sucking on their hands all the time- I could just see the saliva getting on everything, and then into another's mouth. As an infant care provider, I have seen children develop sores on their hands and/or fingers from repeated rubbing against their teeth. Also, according to several sources and studies, there has been a documented link in the reduction of the risk of SIDS.  (sids-network.org)(pediatrics.aappublications.org)  About half the children who are in my class at any given time are using a pacifier.  Due to the age range of the infants in the room, we attempt to limit pacifier use to nap times, just to decrease the number of pacifier thieving incidents by older, more mobile children from younger, less mobile children.  With all of this, pacifiers just don't seem to be something to take away, especially if it can help a child learn to soothe or save a life.

I loved the Moby style wrap that I used with two of my children when they were really little.  I loved that we could snuggle so close, yet they were safe and I could follow after the older children, or take care of other things that I needed to get done.  RIE discourages the use of carriers (and swings) claiming they encourage passivity in children. (RIE Parenting Philosophy link, above, slides 3 & 4) I agree and disagree at the same time with this one.  Yes, they can cause the child to be still. But that isn't always a bad thing.  They allow the child a safe, secure place to relax and observe.  This article from naturalbirthandbabycare.com outlines several benefits of baby wearing.

Next up:  Talking to your child.  RIE discourages anything but "speaking ... as though they are intellectual equals." (RIE link, slide 6) and encourages acknowledgement in place of praise.  According to A Moment of Science, baby talk has some significant benefits and value for children, especially in the areas of language acquisition.  Science News defines baby talk, or infant-directed speech: short, simple sentences coupled with higher pitch and exaggerated intonation. (Source)  My only concern with using the term 'baby talk' is that people often mistake it for deliberately mispronouncing words to children.  That is one thing I disagree with.  While in college, I took a class in speech and language development, and the professor described how there are windows of opportunity for language to be learned.  Hearing the wrong speech patterns has the potential to make it harder on the child to learn the phonemes correctly.   Hungwy, anyone?

While I was in college, and working at the on-campus child care center, the preschool teacher there encouraged us to offer acknowledgement instead of compliments.  Instead of telling a little girl that she was beautiful, we would comment on what caught our eye to give us the thought.  A colorful dress, a new hair accessory... Something that they could comment back on, instead of a simple "Thank you."  I agree that too much praise can set a child up to be frustrated or disappointed if it isn't forthcoming when they have become accustomed to hearing it.  But sometimes, a child does something that deserves the excitement.  If one of my munchkins has been working hard on a project that is difficult for them, and they finally figured it out, you bet I'm going to be excited and give them their kudos for it.

There is so much out there about parenting, and this just scratches the surface of one theory vs. my experience, learning, and understanding.  In the end, we all have to do what is best for our children, ourselves, and our families.

(P.S.  Part 2 will be published, just not tonight!)

Date Night In

Date night. We don't always get to it, but the time is well spent when we do, even on something as simple as a movie night. It is easy to forget or take each other for granted in the day to day of family, work, and children. To me, this makes it that much more important to make time for each other. To set aside time to just be with each other.

Communication is such an important part if any relationship, and it is almost too easy to think that there will be another time to tell your spouse that you appreciate them or disagree with them.  Making this time every week makes us more aware of just talking to each other.  It also lets us get many of the details of the week out of the way (at least a little), so that the conversations the rest of the week don't have to go over the same ground repeatedly.

At our house, every Monday is hang out night, after the kids go down for the night until I have to turn in so I can get up in the morning. Usually we just watch a movie, but the time spent is nice. And on Fridays, I am working on getting us in the habit if sitting down to coordinate schedules for the upcoming week, deciding on menu plans for grocery shopping, and things that need to be taken care of around the house. We are still working on that one, but when we do sit down and discuss the week, I know it helps me not to have so many surprises since I know what should be happening.

To balance the time that we both spend with each other, the children, and the house, we both make sure to plan for time to follow our individual interests as well. The husband is into table top gaming, and has a couple groups he meets up with regularly to play. I take a yoga class weekly, and plan a night out with my fabulous co-workers monthly. I also make sure to spend time with a close mom friend regularly, to keep is both sane.  It is important to make sure that you are taking care if your self, so you can take care of what ever relationship you have, and be able to be all that you need to be for your children, family, and the rest f the world.

What a balancing act! No wonder we are tired so much of the time. Way to go, Wonder Mom's- you rock!

Little Bugs Bedtime

Another bedtime, come and gone.  It is often a little sad for me to tuck my munchkins into their beds for the night, since it means that we are at the end of another wonderful day together.  Sometimes the days are long, busy, and stressful.  Sometimes they are quiet and comfortable.  But, at the end, there was always something great about the day with each one of them that makes me wish I could stretch the time out a little longer to hold onto that great feeling.

I sure do miss the days when it worked to cuddle my babies to sleep.  We would snuggle and rock, or cuddle up in the mom and dad bed, and it was the best time.  Their sweet little faces, the warm weight of them tucked in my arms.  There is nothing like it for me.  But the time came when the extra evening attention would keep them awake when they needed to be sleeping, so adjustments had to be made.  All part of the growing up story.

Now, I think we have a great bedtime routine down.  Lots of stories, followed by a trip to the bathroom and brushing teeth.  A little drink of water, then the tuck-ins and kisses.  I like the idea of a bedtime prayer, but as we are not the most religious, I found a poem that works quite well for us.  We do that, then say thank you for one thing that made each one happy that day, then one last I love you.  Such special moments.

(1)

There are many things to consider when bedtime comes around, but one thing that seems to be commonly agreed on is that a regular routine can make all the difference for parents and children in how well children are able to fall asleep and stay asleep.  Tired children have much more trouble processing new information, can cause health and emotional issues, and can delay a child's development.  (2)  Helping them to get the sleep they need can make such a critical difference in their lives.

A few things that I found most helpful when setting the bedtime routine for my children were:

1.  Counting backwards from the time I needed to have them up so that we could be ready to leave for our day.  I have a 6:30am start time at work.  We need to be walking out the door by 6:10 to get there on time and be ready to go.  This means that the children need to be up no later than 5:30 to be able to get dressed, packed, have a quick snack, and be ready to go.  Going to bed at 7:00pm allows them about 30 minutes to be restless and wind down, so that they can get 10 hours of sleep overnight.  The two youngest make up their other 1-2 hours of sleep with their naps at daycare.

2.  Having a special toy, lovey, or blanket in their bed with them.  When the children were able to transition to a toddler bed, we would allow them a small snuggly toy to go to bed with them.  But the toy had to be going to sleep too.  It couldn't play with them while they were trying to sleep.  And this did help them from time to time, as they would be helping their toy fall asleep, and it would soothe them to sleep as well.

3.  Using the same words as we say good night to the children.  There is little variation in what I say when I am tucking the children in, and they are able to associate the words with bedtime.  Consistency is key!

4.  Keeping the room calm, quiet, and low key.  We do not have TV in the kids' rooms, and at this point don't plan to.  There is so much research out there showing the negative correlations between television and sleeping habits of children; I just don't want to risk it.  (I am not saying that no child should ever have a TV in their room, or that a parent who chooses to do so is not thinking of the best interests of their child.)  We don't have a lot of pictures on the walls of their bedrooms, and we do have CD players in their rooms with a CD of lullaby music to help them tune out what might be going on in the rest of the house, as well as to give them that auditory cue that it is time to sleep.

5.  Routine!  I think this is the most important part of helping my kids get the sleep they need.  Doing the same things in the same order lets them know what to expect, and makes it less stressful all around.  

 Learning to enjoy sleep, the way it takes care of our minds and bodies, may be one of the most important things we teach our children.  No matter the routine you pick, knowing what is best for your child and your family is the most important bedtime story of all.

Backpacks and Responsibility

This morning, I was able to go with to drop Little Man off at kindergarten.  While I waited in the truck for the husband to take him inside and get him checked in with his early care teacher, I observed several other children get dropped off as well.  Typically, they all had a backpack, as was requested on the school supply list at the beginning of the year.  What caught my attention about this was that none of the children were carrying their backpack.  The parent/adult was.  Even at the Center, the majority of children who regularly bring a backpack have their parent or responsible adult carrying it for them.

As I sit and wait, I found myself wondering if I am in a minority on backpack usage.  You see, I have my children (even 2 year old Super Baby) carry their own backpack.  The most help I will give them with it usually is to put it on their shoulder, and hold their hand so that they can't just dump it on the ground.  To me, it is their backpack for a reason.  They need to learn responsibility, and this is a great way to do it.  To insist that they carry their own possessions (with an adult making sure that it is weight appropriate for their size/ strength) teaches them that they are responsible enough to take on keeping track of their things.  My littles carry their blanket and a stuffed animal or taggie lovey in theirs, my kindergartner is supposed to have his folders and/or library books in his, but does sometimes forget.

Now, I do know that this may seem like a minor thing.  But why waste the opportunity for teaching?  Children aren't going to learn any younger, as my dad always liked to say.  Teaching them early that there are rules and expectations just makes it easier on everyone as children grow. Teach your 18 month old to push a laundry basket through the house so he can take his own clothes to the laundry room and back.  Teach your four year old to put the stacks of her shirts and pants in the separate drawers so she can put her own clothing away.  Teach your six year old about recycling so he can be the one to take the cans, jugs, and boxes out to the recycling bin.  Not only do these small chores teach children about responsibility, they allow them to offer something to the family.  Those first baby steps toward learning to become an employee.

Children are naturally curious and want to please.  Encouraging this from the time they begin to ask creates lifelong helpers, children who have less trouble when asked to do something around the house, to help their classmates in child care, preschool, or school, and have less difficulty acclimating to the responsibilities of a job.  In my care are 1 year olds (14-15 months) who want rags to help us clean the shelves and cabinets. My own children have chores that they help with around the house.  I remember having expectations of helping out when I was a kid, both in the house and in the barn.  I am not suggesting that we make children do everything for themselves or us, but what a great learning experience it is when they are encouraged to do the things they can!

Learning to Read

I don't remember learning to read.  Which, when I think about it, is a little weird because I vividly remember the first book I could read all by myself.  It was a great farm- counting book, and the first page had a horse on it.  As my parents own a farm, with horses, cows, pigs, and (at the time) sheep, this book was awesome to me.  I wish I could find it now to read with my own children.  The other book that stands out as an early favorite for me was actually my older sister's book.  It is called Honeyphants and Elebees, in which and elephant and bee decide that the other has the perfect life and find a way to switch.  Kinda Freaky Friday-ish.  But a cute book.

Now, as a mom myself, with a kindergartner who is doing a great job learning to read, and a preschooler who is racing to catch up with him, I am loving the opportunity of seeing how I probably did learn to read.  The school where Little Man goes has a program where the children are allowed to check out three level-appropriate books each week, and the parents/adults are supposed to read those books with their child every day.  I will admit that we do cheat with that a little, as I have LOTS of books for the kids, and I will let him choose other books to read.

I do miss the days of us cuddling up while I read to them, but it is great to listen to them.  Since Little Man is getting the books from school, Baby Doll wants to 'read' them, too.  I know that she can't really read all the words yet, but she only needs a few run- throughs to be able to have about 90% of it memorized and can recite it back to you.  And she totally has the tone/inflection for storytelling.  (Maybe a future in speech?  Guess we will see!)  And the Super Baby can't be left out; he will 'read' by repeating the short sentences in a board book as I read through it for him.  Brown Bear, Brown Bear, anyone?

All this practice is teaching all three of my children the parts of books and reading:  The covers and title page, that there is often an author and illustrator, and what those words mean, that there is a correct way to hold the book and turn the pages.  In addition to the literacy practice they get, there is also the fine motor skills of turning the pages, and the large motor skills of lifting the books to and from the shelf.  An all around great and healthy activity!

And, as much as I love the time that I get with my children by reading with them, what I love even more is the benefits it gives them.  Just one source, Wishing Well, has this list of benefits of reading to children:

1. School Preparation: Reading aloud is the easiest and most effective way to prepare a child for school. And it’s never too early to start preparing them. Kids who are read to when they are young are more likely to do well in school overall. When you read to children, you are stimulating language and literacy skills, as well as building motivation, curiosity and memory. Ever try to skip a page in a small child’s favorite book?  They catch you every time.

2.  Vocabulary Development: Almost 80 percent of a child’s brain develops before age 5. Kids are sponges when they are little. Say a word in front of them and they repeat it. Read to them, and they hear words that they don’t normally encounter in daily conversation. Books build their vocabulary and give them a mastery of language.

3. Education Advancement: The more children’s books in the home, the farther the child goes in school. Doesn’t matter who you are, where you come from, or what your parents do; research shows that the more age-appropriate books in children’s homes, the more schooling they will finish. Period. So get as many books as you can for your children, and watch them learn and grow.

4. Passion for Books: Reading to children builds family relationships, and children learn to love books and reading. Ever want a child to settle down? Break out a book and start reading aloud. Then watch. That child will stop, come over, probably sit in your lap and cuddle while you read to her. Then she will want another book, and another. Look at her! Now she’s learning self-discipline while enjoying a special time with you. All from a book.

5. Stress Management: Children learn how to handle stress and new experiences from books. Stories are a great way to help children transition from one milestone to another (starting school, moving), or to handle a stressful situation (losing a pet, gaining a new sibling). There are relevant children’s books for almost every situation, and they can really help explain things to children on their level.

Sheryl Rogers, the article's author, goes on to state that this is only a partial list of the benefits of reading to your child.  There is so much to be gained, and I love that I am able to make such an impact on my children's learning and development.  Research suggests that as little as 20 minutes per day can have a noticeable impact on your child's learning and development.  I know  that I am seeing this right before my eyes.

Read, read, read!  It really is one of the best things you can do for, and give to, your child!

Making Cookies (and Memories)

You never know what kind of thing will make the  best day ever for kids.  Sometimes it is a ball of play dough and the toys or tools to go with it.  Sometimes it is a snuggle and a book.  And some days, it is a batch of chocolate chip cookies.  

There is nothing fancy about the recipe we used.  Just the one my own momma has been making since I was the baby.  But it turns out a really good cookie.  

After we assembled the ingredients, the kiddos decide who will have the job of stirring.  The other two become the ones who add the ingredients to the bowl as they are needed.  Baby Doll elected Little Man, as she had been the stirrer last time, and she wanted to be able to add stuff this time.  

Some measuring, pouring, and mixing later, and we have a nice batch of cookie dough.  Yum!  

As I do keep an eye on what we eat, we do use whole grain flour, butter instead of margarine, and farm fresh eggs.  

We had to set the dough aside for a while, as it was time for the awesomest spaghetti supper ever about the time we got it all mixed up.  But as soon as the munchkins were done eating and washed up, they were ready to get those cookies scooped out and in the oven.  They thought it was cool to scoop and roll the balls of dough.

Although the Super Baby did have some trouble with scooping and rolling, so he got some hand-over-hand assistance, and just scooped them right onto the cookie sheet.  

Pretty soon, we had a bag of (slightly over-baked) cookies.  But we were too busy playing with Lego's and brick blocks while they were baking to pay attention to the timer.  But, the best part is not necessarily the cookies.  It is the time that we got to spend together, doing something that I can remember doing with my mom and enjoying.  Something that lets us do something with and for each other.  And in the end, it's not the cookies that they will remember.  It's the time.

Chocolate Chip Cookies

3/4 c. butter

1 c. brown sugar

1 c. sugar

1 tsp baking soda

1 tsp vanilla 

2 eggs

2 c. flour

1 1/2 c. semi sweet chocolate chips

Mix the butter and sugars.  Add the vanilla, soda, and eggs.  Mix well.  Add the flour 1 cup at a time, and mix well.  Mix in chocolate chips.  Drop by rounded tablespoon onto un-greased cookie sheet.  Bake at 350 degrees for 10-13 minutes, or until desired doneness.  Let cool on the cookie sheet 5 minutes, remove to wire rack to finish cooling.  Store in airtight container.

Makes about 3 1/2 dozen

The Science Behind Listening

It's interesting how children listen to you... Or don't, as the case may be.  As I mentioned, I have a 2 year old, a 4 year old, and a 6 year old.  And their listening skills are so highly developed, it makes me wonder where I lost some of mine.

For example, I can be in the same room as Little Man, and tell him that he needs to do something.  Or stop jumping on or off the couch. Or to walk in the house so he doesn't plow the Super Baby over.  And he can't hear me! See how developed that is?  He can tune directions right out when they are spoken at a normal, indoor tone, not 10 feet from him.  And as I can admit to being a frustrated momma at times, there are times I've raised my voice... OK, even yelled when he (or one of the others) was doing something that he'd been told not to several times, and I was concerned about safety. Or just wanted him to stop.   And he still can't hear me.  But, when I get up, in preparation for getting within arms reach to physically stop him, he heard it all, and stops.  Magical, huh?

And the other two are the same way.

My other favorite (ha, ha) example of listening is the repeated questioning.  As a professional, I know that children learn by asking questions, and that they may honestly not  be able to remember the answer you give for long.  And that many children will repeat the same question to make sure that you give the same answer every time.  Unfortunately, as I and many other parents know, this can become frustrating for the adults in the situation.  We may begin thinking, "Does this child even hear what I am saying?  I just answered this question 2 minutes ago!"

Both of these situations can lead to stress and frustration for parents, children, and care givers.  And that is just no fun for any one.  No one wants to spend their day getting after their child for climbing the furniture, or being a human snow plow, or just being in your face to the point that neither of you is having fun any more.

Fortunately, there is a multitude of information on parenting and communicating with your child.  Unfortunately, there is so much information out there that it can be overwhelming.  Add in the caring and well meaning advice of friends and family, and it can be downright scary to try anything.

One of the first books I read, which actually also became one of my go-to  methods, was 1-2-3 Magic:  Effective Discipline for 2-12, by Dr. Thomas Phalen (1).  The most basic premise of this method is that you (the parent or caregiver) outline what behaviors you want to stop, and decide what the consequence will be if your child continues the behavior.  You don't argue or escalate, you simply count.  Say "That's one" with the first notice of the behavior, "That's two" if it continues or becomes a second negative (such as arguing about stopping the behavior), and "That's three, [insert consequence here.]"  On the flip side of that is also deciding behaviors you want to encourage, and deciding on a support system for those.  For example, I want my children to have a routine at home.  I have a sticker chart schedule that outlines several things I need them to do during the day- like getting ready in the morning, taking a nap or rest, and getting ready for bed.  They can earn stickers or draw smiling faces when they are able to accomplish their tasks, and if they get the previously decided  number of stickers, they get a pre-drawn reward.  We keep an assortment of wide craft sticks that list rewards like a movie night, art supplies, play dough party and so on.  At the beginning of the week, one is drawn and displayed to remind the children what they are working toward.

There are many, many more books out there on helping children listen, but I haven't had a chance to check them all out.  If you have suggestions, feel free to share in the comments!  I am always looking for more to learn.

My other stand-by for repetitive questioning is to reply with, "Already answered."  When Baby Doll asks again what is for supper, and I have already responded once or twice, I will say, "Already answered."  And usually, she can tell me what is for supper.  Or if she can have Lego's out.  Or if we can watch a movie.  Or pretty much anything.  "Already answered."  What a great idea.  Unfortunately, I can't find the article where I read about this idea, so I can't give it's author credit now.  But when I find it again, I will make sure to link it to share.

Listening and discipline go hand in hand.  Helping children learn to listen is such a critical skill.  I can't wait for the day when my own children listen the first time I say something, every time.  But I guess when that happens, I'll wake up from the dream.  Oh, well... Understanding that this exceptional listening is a part of a child's development keeps me from going too crazy when it seems to be going around a lot.  Hopefully, it helps out others, too.

RSVP Allergy

So, today was one of those really cold days that we are lucky enough not to get too often.  I know that there are those who really like the cold, and those who don't, and I fall closer to the group that doesn't.  Especially when it is this cold outside, and I can't take my munchkins out to play in the snow.

Anyways, it was cold enough that a lot of places were shut down for the day.  Little man was excited about being able to spend the day with dad, since he wasn't scheduled to work last night, and with the temperatures plus wind chill, I opted to leave the other two home with them.  Why take chances?

We ended up with about 1/2 of our expected children at The Center today.  While it was nice to have an unexpectedly quiet day, what wasn't as nice about it was the several people who didn't call to let us know that their children were not coming in today.  Now, I get that there are people out there who see child care professionals as 'baby- sitters'.  But, we are in fact trained professionals, and we do care very much for your child as well as for the parent(s) who come with the children.  Communication is such a huge part of what we do.

You might wonder why it bothers me that parents don't call in when their child will be late or won't be joining us for a fun-filled day of learning, play, and adventure.  Isn't it simply easier to have fewer children in attendance?  And to this, I have a two part answer.

The first part of that reason is, as I stated, that we care.  We do worry when children don't arrive when they are scheduled to.  Are you or your child sick?  Have you been in an accident?  Has something happened to you, your child, or a loved one?  All of this and more may run through our heads, and in some cases there are things that we can or should do to help your child and family through something that is going on in your life outside of the time that your child is with us.  It helps us to know that a loved one has passed away, whether it is a pet or a human family member.  We are better able to provide the care your child needs if we have been told that your child has been under the weather.  The more we know, the better we can provide the quality of care that you expect for your child when you choose a child care setting for them.

The second part of the reason is a bit more practical.  Child care centers and homes are required to follow strict child to teacher ratios.  If we don't know that you are planning to bring your child in today, and we send staff home because your child would make the difference in having that one more teacher in the building or room, we may not be able to accommodate having your child stay when you come in late.  It is impractical for an employer to have an employee standing around, waiting for something to do.  And in situations like we had today, the difference between having people out and driving in the cold and icy conditions that we had today can be significant. 

It really doesn't take much to let your provider know that your child will be in late or not at all.  To me, it is a little like sending out invitations to a party, and asking for an RSVP so that you know how much food and supplies you will need.  If no one lets you know if they are coming to your party or not, you may suppose that no one is planning to come.  So you have nothing ready, and then you are unprepared when they come. 

This is what I call RSVP Allergy.  Maybe not a true allergy, but it is hard for me to understand not taking a few minutes to let someone whom I know cares for my child know that we are ok (or not, if your child is sick and unable to attend), and that we will be back the next day or the one after that.  

Introductions

In with the New Year, and all of the potential that suggests!  I am excited to begin this new journey, to learn and share.

To let you know a little about me, I am a wife and a mom of three crazy, beautiful babies.  My little man is 6, and not really so little anymore but the name stuck.  He is a kindergartner, and an all around crazy kid.  He has lots of energy and ideas to share, so things are never dull around here.  My baby doll is my sweet 4 year old.  She is such a little momma, and takes such great care of her dolls (and her brothers when she thinks they need it!)  The Super Baby is 2, and not such a baby, but that is a thought for another day.  He is super inquisitive, and loves to see how things work.  It is insane how fast they grow and learn.

The Husband

Super Baby, Baby Doll, Little Man

I am the lead infant teacher at a local child care center, and have been with them for nearly seven years now. I have a Bachelor's degree in Child and Family Studies, which was great preparation for working with young children and their families, and I do so love every day that I can make a difference in the lives of the children and families I intersect with.  Being a working parent in this situation was/is great as well, as I am able to have my children with me and still get the adult interactions that I crave.

I love to teach, both at home and at work.  The delight on a child's face when they experience something new, the sheer fun that is to be had in learning is the best motivation for me.  Some of my favorite things to do with the children are art, science/exploration, and reading.  There is nothing quite like watching a child learn and grow.

I am also a crafty momma.  I love to sew and knit/crochet.  I garden, and can or freeze everything that I can. There is so much to be learned from digging in the dirt, planting seeds and watching them grow, and being able to harvest the produce.  It is great to see the children so excited about seeing where their food comes from.

This is from move-in... I have three boxes now!

The last few things that capture my attention and interest are child development and hands-on parenting, nutrition and fitness for the whole family, making the most of what we have, and reading.  I could (and do!) spend a lot of time reading for pleasure, by myself or with my children, and to learn more to be able to better help the parents who come to me at work... There is so much to be learned.  One hope I have for starting this blog is to get more information and ideas, to spark conversations that help families develop to their fullest potential.

P.S.  Sorry if the pictures mess up the flow... I'll get the hang of it eventually!