While scrolling through Facebook the other day, I came across this blog article, published on BabyCenter's page: RIE Parenting Philosophy
Go ahead and check it out quick. I'll wait. It was an interesting read, even though I didn't completely agree with all of the points made.
Disclaimer: I am not attempting to suggest that the methods that work for me are the only way to raise/care for a child, nor that this is the wrong way to do so. Simply why I agree or disagree with some of the points made.
According to RIE, use of a pacifier is similar to telling a child that they need to be quiet. In my experience, a child who wants or needs to cry is going to cry, even if you offer a pacifier. If they are hungry, it won't help for long. If they are too hot or cold, they will let you know. If they need a diaper change... You get the idea. All three of my children used a pacifier. For me, it was a logical thing. I am a breastfeeding mother, and each of my children developed a yeast rash called thrush. As a result, I had to deal with it as well. One way to help decrease the amount of yeast that was causing the rash was to be able to thoroughly sanitize anything that went into their mouths. This meant a course of anti-yeast medication for each child and myself, as well as heat sanitizing their pacifiers. I would not be able to do this with their fingers, and the things I could do to clean their hands were not as effective as sanitizing the pacifiers. I also preferred that they not be sucking on their hands all the time- I could just see the saliva getting on everything, and then into another's mouth. As an infant care provider, I have seen children develop sores on their hands and/or fingers from repeated rubbing against their teeth. Also, according to several sources and studies, there has been a documented link in the reduction of the risk of SIDS. (sids-network.org)(pediatrics.aappublications.org) About half the children who are in my class at any given time are using a pacifier. Due to the age range of the infants in the room, we attempt to limit pacifier use to nap times, just to decrease the number of pacifier thieving incidents by older, more mobile children from younger, less mobile children. With all of this, pacifiers just don't seem to be something to take away, especially if it can help a child learn to soothe or save a life.
I loved the Moby style wrap that I used with two of my children when they were really little. I loved that we could snuggle so close, yet they were safe and I could follow after the older children, or take care of other things that I needed to get done. RIE discourages the use of carriers (and swings) claiming they encourage passivity in children. (RIE Parenting Philosophy link, above, slides 3 & 4) I agree and disagree at the same time with this one. Yes, they can cause the child to be still. But that isn't always a bad thing. They allow the child a safe, secure place to relax and observe. This article from naturalbirthandbabycare.com outlines several benefits of baby wearing.
Next up: Talking to your child. RIE discourages anything but "speaking ... as though they are intellectual equals." (RIE link, slide 6) and encourages acknowledgement in place of praise. According to A Moment of Science, baby talk has some significant benefits and value for children, especially in the areas of language acquisition. Science News defines baby talk, or infant-directed speech: short, simple sentences coupled with higher pitch and exaggerated intonation. (Source) My only concern with using the term 'baby talk' is that people often mistake it for deliberately mispronouncing words to children. That is one thing I disagree with. While in college, I took a class in speech and language development, and the professor described how there are windows of opportunity for language to be learned. Hearing the wrong speech patterns has the potential to make it harder on the child to learn the phonemes correctly. Hungwy, anyone?
While I was in college, and working at the on-campus child care center, the preschool teacher there encouraged us to offer acknowledgement instead of compliments. Instead of telling a little girl that she was beautiful, we would comment on what caught our eye to give us the thought. A colorful dress, a new hair accessory... Something that they could comment back on, instead of a simple "Thank you." I agree that too much praise can set a child up to be frustrated or disappointed if it isn't forthcoming when they have become accustomed to hearing it. But sometimes, a child does something that deserves the excitement. If one of my munchkins has been working hard on a project that is difficult for them, and they finally figured it out, you bet I'm going to be excited and give them their kudos for it.
There is so much out there about parenting, and this just scratches the surface of one theory vs. my experience, learning, and understanding. In the end, we all have to do what is best for our children, ourselves, and our families.
(P.S. Part 2 will be published, just not tonight!)
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