Its Just Love...

Man... It’s been just over a year since I felt the pull to sit down and write to you. Oops!

It’s been a crazy year of the usual ups and downs of mom-ing and working and bills and all the other stuff that has to be done. There have been moments that I’ve followed thoughts that would have been great to share, and I promise to make a better effort to write it out to post. There were some good ones...

The thought that prompted this writing moment happened yesterday morning. A couple weeks ago, I told the kids they could each invite a friend over for a sleepover this past Friday. (Crazy, right. Volunteering for 6 kids, 7-11 years old? But it actually has gone pretty smoothly the couple times we’ve done these sleepovers.) So, we have tons of games, art supplies, stuff to play with and do, plus the usual assorted tech of tablets, WiFi only phones, and a Wii. The big kid and his friend had some fun with tablets and then asked for a game on the Wii. Sure, but not all night, because the other kids are gonna want a turn too.

Well, after about an hour, I could tell it was time for them to be done. Some bickering about the game, another pair of kids wanting their turn... time to find something else, guys. No, not back to the tablets. Remember all the other stuff we have?

This transition away from tech was (and usually is) hard for my big kid. And it showed. Can’t we just? But what about that? After this next 10 minites?  No, dude. Your friend is here for face to face interaction, not side by side interaction with tech as a bridge. Proud mom moment of sticking to the limit through his stress. It was HARD!

Saturday morning rolls around, and I’m sitting on the couch while the kids play, and my big kid comes by and says, “Mommy, I’m really sorry for how I acted last night” and goes back to his friend. And right there, I realized all he needs from me is to just be there to hold the line of our healthy limits. That’s all. I totally thought there was something I was missing, something I was supposed to be doing for him to help with these swings and anger and demands. And all he needs is me to be there and love him.

It’s been such a revelation, I’m still getting used to it. I know there will be times we both still slip, but hopefully this will help me remember he just needs that love and support, and I don’t have to fix it.

Maybe that’s so,etching you needed somewhere in your life too. You don’t have to fix it all... you just have to be there for the ones who need you to show up.

The Cost of Child Care

I had someone ask me a while back why (almost all) child care providers charge for days a child is not in care, like sick days or holidays or vacation days. If they are at home with their child, shouldn't they be able to deduct that day from the weeks tuition?

Fair question.

My short answer to her was that child care is like cable, not pay-per-view :)  You pay for all the channels, not just the ones you actually end up watching. You pay for all the days, not just the ones you use.

To go a little more in-depth with the analogy, when you enroll your child in child care, you are contracting for hours with your provider (whether they are a center or home based provider), for  them to be available to care for your child. The tuition is the fee to have those hours saved for your child week to week, not so much day to day. For many providers, the tuition is a specified amount per week, for the hours requested, not one fifth of that amount per day.

Now, there are very good reasons you may need to keep your child out of care, and there are good reasons your provider may need to ask you to pick up your child early or keep them out. (Sick child licensing policy, anyone?) But the costs associated with your child's child care spot don't disappear just because your child is unable to attend. The electricity, water, food, and supplies still need to be purchased, paid for, and available. In advance.

And though I know there are jobs out there that don't offer flex time/ sick days/ holiday pay, a lot of them do. And if you are in the group that receives that benefit, you expect to be paid for your days off so you can still pay your bills. Your child care provider is no different. They are a professional, providing a demanding service, one that requires training, licensing visits, background checks, paperwork, and has enough rules and regulations to make your head spin. They have bills to pay as well, and rely on their income, including sick days, flex time, and holiday pay, to keep things afloat.

So, here's the thing. Your provider loves your kid.  Not like you love your kid, and not like they love their own kid.  (And that's ok! That's how it's supposed to work.) But they want to be able to be there for you and your child. They want your child to come experience and enjoy the environment and activities they have available and planned out. Sometimes though, that just isn't what works out. 

I know I love my job. I know my other provider friends love their jobs. Child care is a profession, and a service offered. Know what your provider's c
ontract and financial policies are, have conversations with them about the ins and outs of what is expected and offered on both sides, and make sure there are as few surprises as possible. Yes, child care is not cheap.  Yes, it can be frustrating to find the fit that works for all the areas you need it to. But child care providers love kids, love seeing them develop and succeed, and (for me, anyway) love being a resource for parents. However, when it is a chosen profession, we still need to be paid for our time and effort. 

And the rewards of having a child development professional as a resource for your child's village?

Priceless.

I'm sitting here thinking of all the things that are just running around in my head, and don't even know what I want to let out.  There is so much I take on and take care of, and sometimes it's hard to let go of some of that stuff, even when I know it's for my best  that I do.

Being a mom is one of my most favorite things ever.  I have the coolest kids, and you are free to disagree that yours are cooler, I know my truth.  😄  I've gotten to watch as my dolly crafts a costume out of notebook paper and yarn for her brother.  It's so cool!  She is figuring out how to make all the pieces work together, and how to get it to stay on him without ripping.  My big kid has been working on his computer and piano skills- he's coming along amazingly at both.  And my super bud is just being so patient as his sister makes his costume. They are creative, and smart, and funny, and just fun to be around.

I love my work.  I get to hang out with babies all day, and about 90% of the time they are the cutest and most amazing little people ever.  *(The other 10% is crying and poopy diapers. No one loves that.) I love that I get to go to work somewhere I love with people I enjoy doing something I'm really good at every day. I get to make a difference for so many people, and it is the most amazing ever.

I have my classwork coming up.  I am so excited at the opportunity to learn more, and especially to learn about how to share the things I've learned and experienced with other people.  To make that difference to someone.  To be a teacher is one of my greatest blessings in life.

I have my parents, five siblings, siblings-in-law, nieces, nephews.  I know that there are people with larger families than me, but no matter what, family is a commitment, and takes time, attention, and care.  Everyone needs something a little different, and that can take a lot out of a person.

I have my church family. I have loved meeting and connecting (or reconnecting) with the people there.  There is so much support to be found and offered.

This next week, I get to be on vacation with my kids.  I don't know what all we are going to do, and that is so great.  We get to just be together.  As much as I love all the other people and commitments in my life, I am so looking forward to all the time I get to spend with my kids.  We get to spend some quality time with the cousins and some special friends who we don't get the opportunity to see as much as we would like, but there are so many things that come up in all our schedules it just doesn't happen. And we get to hang out with some new kids, and see what kinds of connections we make there.

Most of the time, it's just going to be me and them.  And I can't wait!  It's tough to step away from all the commitments I've made, but sometimes I have to. One thing I've learned in the last few years is that I'm not irreplaceable to the rest of the world. But to myself, to my kids, to my family... There's only one me, and I need to take care of me first sometimes.

Preparing for Parent Aware and Infant Learning

So, the child care center where I work is preparing for our re-rating through Parent Aware. For those of you who don't know, Parent Aware is a program that works with child care centers and providers to use research based ideas to help children in child care settings be more ready for kindergarten.

Now, I will be one of the first to stand up and say that I feel that our schools, teachers, and children are being pushed into accomplishing unrealistic goals.  Kindergartners are not developmentally ready for first or second grade work.  Five and six year old children should never be expected to be able to accomplish the things that eight and nine year olds can and should do.  But there are things that can be done with children before they ever set foot in a classroom that can help them be set up for success once they get to kindergarten. Even as an infant teacher, there are things that I need to do to be able to help my little learners get the best start possible.

Teach children that learning is fun, or at least interesting.  Creating an environment that promotes exploration and discovery on the child's terms allows a child to see that they have the ability to choose for themselves what interests them.  They can make things happen. They can become immersed in stacking cups or rings, climbing into or out of a bucket, standing up and falling back down as they try out their legs. They can make the baby in the mirror smile and wave an arm or kick a leg.  And all of this shows children that learning in a common, natural thing for them to do.

Make learning possible.  If a child is consistently in front of a screen, or tucked into an infant seat/swing, they are not going to learn about movement opportunities.  They won't learn the wonder of being outside, and feeling the grass or the sand or how it feels to swing. You have to make learning possible for children by giving them a place that encourages interaction with the environment.  Take them outside and let them see the trees and insects, let them play with the sand and grass (and yes, if you have infants, they will probably try to eat both.  It's usually not a big deal.)

Give them opportunities to try out new things that they haven't done before.  I have a couple baby friends who are around the 9 month mark.  They just started participating in our art experiences that involve paint brushes and crayons.  And they love it!  They get the biggest smiles as they swing their arms back and forth and color or paint their paper (or their teachers or the floor!)  Just remember that everything washes, even the children.

Also, these children are beginning to pull themselves to stand, and get themselves around the room under their own power.  These moments are huge for an infant.  For the first times in their lives, these children are able to make a decision about what they want and get themselves to their goal.  Create a space that allows movement, and encourage the opportunity.  Trust me, I know how fun it is to snuggle that squishy baby, but let them do their own thing.  They will thank you for it. Promise.

Lastly, for here at least, TALK TO THEM! Let them know the correct words for what they are doing, the things they are learning, what they are feeling, where they are going, reading to them.  Children learn language by listening to you talk. Make sure they hear you, and that you are talking and reading about a variety of topics.  Teach them how to have conversations so they can express themselves, and listen to another person.

There are a million and five things that you can give to a child, but the most important is your support of their exploration.  Teach them that they are capable learners, encourage them to try- even if they can't quite get it right the first time, and you will help your child become ready for the things that life is going to throw at them.

Making time to be the mom I want to be

How I would love to always be the best mom I can think to be.  To always choose the best foods, plan the best activities, have the best discipline, make all the best choices for these amazing little people I love to the moon and back.

But, I have to be the first to admit that we buy drive through and convenience foods more than I would prefer.  And sometimes I just tell them to go play so that I can get done the things that feel like they have to be done now (like weeding the flower beds, or making supper, or cleaning up the mess left over from supper...)

And sometimes I have a grown up tantrum over something I know, as an adult, isn't really worth the effort of the tantrum.  Something that is really only worth a gentle correction, a reminder that walking in the house results in fewer bumps and bruises, and not winding the dog up keeps him from making a mess that they need to learn to clean up.

Here's the great thing though.  They love me anyway.  They think they are getting the best of it all anyway.  Well, maybe not dealing with a mom-tantrum.  But they are such great teachers for grace and forgiveness.

It is amazing how they can see the time that I want to get things done as time to run, bike, jump, make up games, and create gorgeous art with their chalk on the driveway.  Time to be outside and explore the wonders of nature like plants, insects, and bubbles.

They see the not-so-great food choices as a treat; I've had all three turn down an offer of something sweet for fruit.  They will almost always ask for a visit to the produce section of the store (if it has one) to pick out some fruit or veggies or yogurt to snack on, and almost never ask for candy.  And, really, those drive through meals are outnumbered by the foods we make at home by an overwhelming majority.

Here's the thing I think I have down pat about being a mom.. I love them right back. I want the best things for them, and I work really hard to get them those things.  I love spending time with them, and seeing their interest and wonder at the baby plants and the insects that they check out.  I love seeing them learn about fueling their bodies with the things that they need, and just BEING with them.

They are my favorite teachers.  I enjoy listening to them imagine and play, to seeing the art and Lego buildings they create, to watch them learn to ride their bike farther and faster, and to climb the tree just a little higher.  They love giving to others, and it is beautiful to see.

There are so many things I would love to do; being a mom to these kiddos is something I wouldn't trade for the world.  I guess I'm doing better than I thought.....

Trying out a book review

I so love learning, especially about being a mom and a teacher.  So many of the things I've learned apply so much to both aspects of my life, and it's great to be able to practice what I learn in so many settings.  If  I had to pick on thing that I miss from being a college student, it would be the deep levels of learning that I got to do.  The papers, the studying, the tests, not so much.  :)

I recently purchased The 5 Love Languages of Children, by Gary D. Chapman and Ross Campbell, and read it on breaks at work.  It was a great one to leave on site and pick up when I had those few spare minutes that I needed to fill.  And it was great to be able to read a bit, and immediately put some of the information I read into practice on my work littles.

The short review of this book is that everyone has a love language- a way that they feel and receive love from others that impacts them the most, and allows them to feel loved in a way that other ways don't touch.

The love languages are words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, physical touch, and quality time. There is a chapter devoted to each love language, with suggestions about using the particular language to speak love to your child, and testimonials from parents and children who have benefited form the information contained in this book. There is also information on learning about the love languages, using them in discipline (NOT to be confused with punishment), using the love languages in single parent families, and a chapter on love languages in marriage and committed relationships.

I loved reading this book, and being able to use its suggestions to make sure my kids (at home, at work, and at church) know how much I love and value them.  There are many suggestions, ranging from easy, everyday ideas to big moments that take some planning to carry out.  

If you are struggling to know how to show your kiddos (and others in your life!) the love you feel for them, this book is a great place to start.  Saying "I love you" looses its impact quickly if it is not followed by the actions that SHOW the recipient that you mean them. You can say the words until you are blue in the face, but if you don't SHOW it, it is meaningless.  

Fall Musings

I've been thinking a lot lately how much I miss making the time to write, and share the things I've learned about life, kids, and being a mom-teacher.  And about how much has changed in the (almost to the day) two years it's been since I sat down and made the time.

Catching up, I'm now doing the single mom route.  About a year ago, I was just a few days on the other side of the conversation that ended my marriage.  It was such a tough time, but is definitely the better road for us.  It has been and continues to be a cycle of sadness, grief, happy times, and love.  The last time I was writing, I wouldn't have imagined that I would have taken that step, but looking at it now, I can't see any alternative.

My kiddos are 9, 7, and 5 years old now.  Third grade, first grade, and the last year of pre-K.  They are growing so much, and learning so much, and are such fun for me to watch and learn from.  We have our tough and stressful days, but they are so outnumbered by our fun, loving, adventurous days. Life is a struggle for them to acclimate to the changes that have (and continue) to come, but they know they are so very loved, and that makes a lot of difference.

We have a dog.  Sam is almost 1 year old, and a fiercely playful Beagle.  He is such a silly dog, and the kids love him to pieces.  He is great company, and seems to know when the kids need him to run and jump and play, and when they need him to just love on them.

We are exploring and growing our faith.  With the help of wonderful friends, we have found a church home that we love.  There is such great community for us, and the support we have received has been valuable.

The best thing I've learned in all of this change is that the people who love you will be the strength and support you need.  Whenever you need them, someone is only a phone call, text, coffee date away. They are a shoulder to cry on, a hand to help you up. someone to watch your kids so you can do the next hard thing, and the thing after that.  They are the ones who help you find the way to keep moving forward.

Thank you, thank you to all the people who have been with me.  The ones who were there from the start, and the ones who have joined my journey and made it even a little easier to bear.  The fierce love and protectiveness for my kids, the love of my family, the coffee and mom dates, the life groups at church....  You've all made this journey so much more bearable, and made all the difference in the world.

How to Make Sure You Decorate for Thanksgiving With Children

Recently, my sweet sister got me hooked on Once A Month Meals.  Basically, you sign up with them, and they help you plan menus with all the information (shopping list, prep list, cooking schedule, recipes, etc.) that you need to shop and cook for a month's worth of meals in a little over one day.  We usually break it down into at least two days: The shopping and prep day and the cooking and freezing day.  It's awesome.  Now, there's always a great meal ready to cook every day.  And it saves on the grocery bill as well.  (After setting it up to work out to food for two weeks instead of four, the average cost of groceries was about $160/2 weeks for our family of five.)

  I decided to apply this theory of having things prepared in advance to make a daily art adventure easier.  And to make sure that we have some Thanksgiving decorations to put up.:)

The countdown to Thanksgiving is on... And it's down to 4 days left.  And we still have our Halloween decor up.  So... Since I love doing crafty stuff with the mini's, and I don't feel like I do enough of it, I have decided to prep some projects out ahead of time, then just pull them out over the next few days.  Thanks to Pinterest (LOVE it!), here's what's on the agenda:

Thankful Turkey Book

Thanks to the blogger at b-inspiredmama.com, I found these adorable Thankful Turkey books.  Instead of using paper bags, I simply cut two sheets of  printer paper and a sheet of construction paper in half the long way, folded the printer paper and one half of the construction paper together, then stapled them.  They are tucked into a paper lunch bag, awaiting creation. My little man and baby doll will be able to write in their own books with  minimal help, and the super baby will be able to dictate.  Then they can draw away to illustrate all the things that they are thankful for at this point in their lives.  I'm excited to see what they come up with.

Lego Stamped Indian Corn

Crafty Morning inspired me to set this art project up for my kiddos.  We have a few (TONS!!) of Legos hanging out around here, so this should be an awesome art project for us to do.  No bag for this one, I just printed out the picture and basic directions so I wouldn't be scrambling for an idea.

Turkeys

I wish I knew who to give credit to for this adorable project... :(  Anyways, we have tons of TP rolls hanging out for art projects, and paper plates, so another bag is prepped with those two basic needs to create turkeys to set out to replace the pumpkins hanging out.

Rock Turkeys

Another Crafty Morning project... When we bought our house, one of the back flowerbeds was landscaped with rock.  Still is, though that is changing in the spring.  But, for now, there were just enough rocks not buried in snow for me to pick out three that are perfect for this craft.  As soon as they are dry, they will go into the next bag to motivate our creativity.

Coloring Sheets

Mommy Octopus gathered some awesome coloring sheets.  Little man has already colored in the turkey color by number and the Thanksgiving scene.  These should be some great fillers for the kiddos Thanksgiving day, so we will be printing off extras to share with the cousins (and aunts/ uncles/grandparents/friends) should they feel the desire to do some holiday coloring!

I'm so looking forward to doing some intentional projects with the kids.  There is so much to be gained from them- not the least of which will be the wonderful memories made of doing these things together.

(Huge thanks to all who shared inspiration for the crafts! Everyone I could find a link to give credit to is linked in the caption of the picture!)

My Top 10 Things to Have on Hand to Make Life Easier

So, I recently got to thinking about things that I usually make sure to have on hand, both as a parent and as a teacher.  You never know when you're gonna need that one little thing to keep the peace and make the day go by that much smoother.  Here are some of my must haves- and why I make sure to keep them around.

1.  Art supplies.(I grouped this category because the list would be waaay too long if I listed them individually.) Crayons, markers, colored and graphite pencils, construction paper, watercolor paper, drawing paper, coloring books, tissue paper, magazines/ads/newspaper for cutting, scissors, glue, stickers... The list is pretty much endless. But art supplies are the kind of awesome free exploration that kids love, and learn so much from. Truly, having a well stocked stash of art supplies can save the kids (and parents/teachers) from going up the wall.

2.  Tape.  Tape is one of the most versatile tools you can have as a caregiver for young children.  It can fix books or toys (electrical tape makes a great cast for a broken Barbie wrist or dragon tail!) Painters tape works wonderfully for creating a race track for Hot Wheels and their friends, or for marking shapes and spaces for other games that need a bigger 'board' than the traditional board game. Washi tape is great for art projects.  And we all know about Duct tape...  Fixes everything, right? :)

3. Play dough.  Weather you buy Play-Doh from the store or make your own at home, play dough is definitely a must have. It's another one of those boredom busters, and is such a great fine motor workout for little hands.

4.  Laminator (thermal + pouches or self adhesive).  I LOVE  my laminator.  Definitely one of the best $20 investments I've made.  We use it to make dry erase and play dough mats.

5.  Dry erase markers and mats or boards.  My kids love dry erase activities.  And I love that they aren't going through a ton of paper. Dry erase activities are just enough of a novelty that even the most resistant practicing writer will be hard pressed to refuse.

6.  Sensory table, filler, and scoops.  We use a regular under-the-bed type storage tub for our sensory table.  I love that it has a well fitting lid, and the kids know when the lid is on, the bin is not available unless they ask.  We also keep gallon size bags of mixed pasta, colored rice, and mixed beans on hand to put in the table.  I have made cloud dough for it, and am thinking about dumping some cornmeal with cinnamon in for the holiday scent.  We'll see!  And the scoops are nothing fancy- just salvaged yogurt and spice containers.

7.  Notebooks. You know how stores have notebooks on sale for $,03 at the end of the school supply sales? (I may be exaggerating slightly about the price, but they're still super cheap when they are trying to get rid of the oodles extra they ordered in preparation for school supply shopping.) Anyways, I always stock up on a bunch of them when I can, then give them to the kids with their name on the cover as a journal. It's so much fun to see the things they 'write', actually write, or draw in them.  And I love looking back at their earlier journals and seeing how much they have learned. Notebooks are also handy for the parent/teacher for notes and lists and whatever else one uses a notebook for. :)

8.  A library card.  You never know what kinds of treasures you can find at your local library.  We went one time, just to check out some books, and found out they were having a terrific book sale!  We walked out with a reusable shopping bag, packed full of books, that cost us $2.  There are so many family activities to take advantage of, from story time to movie nights. And the novelty of a new book never gets old- literally.  The more reading your child (and you!) do, the better!  There are so many new worlds to discover between the covers of a book.

9.  Camera.  I don't use my camera as often as I feel I should, especially now that I have a phone with  a pretty decent camera in it.  Either way, have a way to capture those special moments.  There's no need to go overboard and take a million pictures (unless you really want to- then by all means, snap away!)  But having those moments recorded means a lot, and I for one love having the option as opposed to kicking myself for forgetting to have something ready.

10.  Chocolate.  You never know when you're going to need it.  Potty training toddler makes it to the bathroom by themselves?  Have a bite.  Preschooler shares the most favorite, sacred toy without being asked?  Here's a nibble.  School age kid spends 30+ minutes reading to his siblings, never getting frustrated with the million and 12 interrupted questions? Take half.  Had a long day?  You, mom/dad/caregiver/teacher, get the whole thing.  :)  Some days, chocolate just makes everything better.

There are so many things out there billed to make your life easier...  These are the things I love to have on hand to make a melt down day into a fun filled day. Find what works for you, and make sure you are never without!

The Loss of Discipline...

I recently saw this image on one of the Facebook pages I follow.  I have to admit, it made me sad to see.  So many people see or think of discipline as punishment for a child, when the full scope of discipline is so much more.  Truly, the last line- "providing conditions in which a child can realize his or her full human potential"- is one of the best definitions of discipline for children I have seen.

Discipline is providing structure and routine for a child.  Children need structure in their day.  They thrive on knowing what comes next, that they can trust you to be there, that there is predictability in their lives. Discipline allows you to tell your child that there are limits, there are routines for the things you do, that you can be trusted to be a safe place for them.

Discipline is letting a child know that there are expectations for him or her.  Each family, community, culture all have their own expectations for everyone who is a member- including children.  Discipline lets you teach your child what those expectations are, and how to succeed at and within them.  It lets you teach your child that there are times when they must wear clothes, there are places for using the bathroom, that we need to take turns for the safety and well-being of everyone.  When children are in group settings (like child care or school), there are expectations for learning.  If your child has no concept of discipline, in increases the chances of the child having a harder time interacting with the group and taking advantage of the learning opportunities offered.

Discipline allows a child to know how to interact with others.  It provides the framework for culturally appropriate communication rituals.  When children don't have clear boundaries (discipline!), it can lead to a child being overly affectionate or to hang back in the wrong situations. It teaches a child when a hand shake is more appropriate than a hug, the space we leave between friends or strangers, and the words we use when we speak to the different people in our lives.

Discipline tells a child we will keep them safe.  There are expectations for how we interact with other people, for how we interact with our environment. Offering appropriate discipline tells a child, "I won't let you hurt yourself and others.  I will help you learn how to be safe. I will help you learn about being a friend."

Discipline is not synonymous with punishment. Discipline is providing the expectations and framework for growth and learning.

The Birth of a Mother

So it's the time of year again when my munchkin crew turns another year older. Their birthdays all fall within a four week span, and this time always makes me think more about being a parent than almost any other.

As I watch them run and climb and play, I remember when they were born, and how little they all were. I remember the quiet moments and snuggles. I remember the seemingly endless rounds of night feedings and diapers. (Well, we still have the diapers, though admittedly not as many as we used to with the super baby almost potty trained.) I remember when decisions for them were easier, or at least  that there were fewer if them to make. But the place we are right now is pretty cool, so remembering just lets me see how far we have all come.

I see my seven year old learning so much! I never really thought about all the things that elementary school teachers teach our children every day, despite being trained as a teacher for up to third grade. My focus has been in infants ans infant care and development. Just watching little man learn to read step by step has been wonderful. Having a part of his learning has been eye opening. I am loving learning with the smart, energetic boy hape has grown in to.

My dolly is such a sweet caregiver. I have lost count of the number of times that she has packed a diaper bag for her dolls, or encouraged the super baby to the bathroom during potty training. And watching her learn with her older brother melts my heart. She so much wants to do the things he is, and by watching him is slowly but surely figuring it out.

Super baby is definitely not a baby anymore at three. He all but keeps up with the other two, and is an imaginative instigator on his own.

Knowing decisions I've made has helped them learn and become the little people they are is awesome and a little frightening. Knowledge and discipline they accrue now will follow them the rest of their lives.

Knowing how to be helpful, caring people.

Knowing how to work together.

Knowing how to use their voices, not only to be heard for themselves, but to speak up for those who can't.

Knowing the joys of learning and exploring new ideas.

Knowing how to work for the things they want.

Knowing that work and honesty will get you farther than deceit and an expectation of entitlement.

Knowing that love is always within your reach.

As they learn and grow, they prepare for the world waiting for them. Hopefully, the world will be ready for them.
Some days, I miss when my babies were babies. They were quieter, they snuggled more, they didn't fight and argue. But where we are right now is surely the best we've had. I can't wait to see what is to come.

The Best Toys Sometimes Aren't Even Toys...

I'm back! It's been a crazy, busy summer, and I've missed making time to write... But here I am!

Last week, while the munchkin crew and I were visiting my parents, they were having a ball watching my dad change out a tire that had a hole too big to repair.  We had recently been camping, and the campground had a climbing structure made out of semi tires bolted together. They thought it was the coolest toy ever. So, of course, they asked if we could bring this tire home. After getting the ok, we loaded it up, and they are having a blast with it. They roll it across the yard, flip it, step on it, sit in it... It has become one of their favorite toys, and they are looking forward to getting a few more when we can look through the other old tires at the farm.

This prompted me to start thinking again about all the things that provide awesome learning and play opportunities, but aren't actually toys. So, I thought I'd share a list of my favorite non-toy toys. :)

As I mentioned, old (clean-ish) tires are great toys. They can prompt some interesting, imiganitive dramatic play, large muscle work, team work opportunities, and problem solving skills. They can be pushed, stacked, climbed on, rolled... The possibilities are only limited by a child's imagination.

Another fabulous non-toy is a set of measuring cups and/or spoons (or two or three), and something to scoop with them. They require fine motor work to manipulate, and encourage math and science exploration.

Scraps of fabric are a favorite of my children. Any time I am sewing they are right there, asking for just about any scrap of fabric I snip off. Some are tiny, some are long, but all are fair game. They use them for baby doll play, for stuffed animal props, as jewelry... The scraps are included in just about any play they do. I am toying with the idea if making a sensory bin with just fabric scraps in it, and see what they do. :) Should be interesting.

Boxes. You know how they say babies are more interested in the boxes their toys come in, than they are the toys themselves? They're right. And it's true for more than babies. My 7 and 5 year olds love adding empty boxes to their play any time they find one. They become doll beds and garages with equal enthusiasm.

Dry beans, dry rice, dry pasta, shredded paper, poms or cotton balls, gel/water beads, aquarium rocks, and any other similar material not mentioned are great for sensory play. Learning through sensory play is a powerful motivator for young children. It engages them on multiple levels, no matter what you choose to fil your sensory bin with.

Empty spice containers and cereal/pasta/rice/etc. boxes are great additions to kitchen or cooking dramatic play. They lend a touch of realism to a child's play, and allow them to mimic you- their greatest teacher.

There are so many more things that children can use to enrich their play, things you might not even think of as toys, but that will give your child hours of fun and so many opportunities for learning. When it's safe, allow your child to check out the treasures of non-toy toys- and see the difference it makes in their play.

Happy play time!

Scientists and Lab Rats (aka. Children and Adults)

I love science.  It is one of my favorite subjects to do with kids- especially since I have started to notice all the science opportunities that are right around us in the world every day.  My kids love to hunt for grasshoppers in our back yard, and watch the ants crawl on the sidewalks, or chase dragonflies and butterflies.  The are always interested in helping when I am working in the garden. They spend hours at our sensory table checking out the beans or rice or pasta that we keep stocked for them. They turn the lights or fans on.  And off.  And on.  And off... Just to see what happens and how long they can do it before they are told to find something else.

The kids at work like to play peek a boo.  They like to roll and shake sensory bottles.  They push over stacks of blocks or cups. They squish paint and sand and feel different fabrics. They pull the diaper cubbies out of the shelves.  They pull on the garbage cans.  Just to see what happens and how long they can do it before they are told to find something else.

I saw this poster on Facebook the other day....

Explorations Early Learning

Now, I know that this says toddlers, and I work with infants. And my kids are in first grade, preschool, and almost preschool.  But trust me, it still applies. They will do things, just to see how you will react.  And to see if you will react the same way this time as you did last time, even if they escalate their behaviors.

I know that the kids at work, and my babies at home, are not doing the things they are doing just to frustrate or upset me.  I know that.  But in the moment, it can be hard to hold on to that certainty. It can feel like a child is resisting a nap a blind person could see they need to pushing away your attempts to care for them.  A child who is pushing or taking toys from another child isn't trying to upset you- or even the other child. A baby crawling or walking or running away when they are told it is time for a diaper or bottle or food isn't saying they aren't hungry or that they don't need a fresh diaper.  

They just want to understand how we work. They want to know that we will be there to help them get the sleep they need, even when they are pushing us away. They want to know how another child will react when they learn to socialize, and in the process are learning how they should act and react as well. They want to know that you will follow through with the care they need- even when it is difficult.*

Remembering that it usually isn't personal has been a huge breakthrough for me.  Knowing that they are working hard to make sense of the world around them, makes it easier for me to remember to not get flustered, to be as consistent as I can for the littles in my care.

Babies are curious learners, and are great at cause and effect.  They are looking at you the way scientists look at the subjects of their experiments, trying to make sense out of confusion. Science is truly great... And all around us.

*Disclaimer:  There are children who will learn that specific actions on their part will stress you out, and may attempt to use that to their advantage. Good luck! :)

Fourth of July Flag Shirts!

A little late for this one, as we did it for the Fourth, but still wanted to share the fun we had.  :)

One of my mom/caregiver friends posted a picture of her littles wearing shirts she had helped them decorate with a flag- red and white stripes, with a blue handprint where the stars would go on the American flag.  So super cute!  I immediately sent the picture to my sis to see if she wanted to get together before the holiday to make shirts for all five of our sweet babes.

We collected shirts of the correct size for each child, including a onsie for my little niece who couldn't make it up to do the project with us that day, and marked out the spaces for the red stripes with painter's tape.  After sticking a piece of cardboard into the shirt, to keep the paint from transferring onto the back of the shirt, I helped the kiddos paint the red lines on their shirts.  They really enjoyed spreading the fabric paint oh the shirts!  We then each helped our own munchkins do their hand prints for the blue corner.

                 

So, so cute!  I  love the little, tiny handprints of my youngest nephew and niece, and the progression of sizes with my own kids.  They were so excited to wear their Fourth of July shirts to the parade and for the  holiday.

         
                       

When you know better, you do better

When I think of all the things I've learned about children and child development and child care in the last 20 years, it begins to overwhelm my mind.  I mean, things have changed so much, just in the last (almost) 7 years since I became a mom.  There were things that the hospital did as part of their routine newborn care that were no longer in practice when I had my second just two years later.  And in two decades of learning, there has been a lot of new information to process and include in how I do my job and how I parent my own children.

I did a lot of babysitting as a teenager.  This was a great learning opportunity, and I am grateful for the experiences and relationships I was able to form with a couple families I was with most often.

I was lucky enough to get work study in college on the on-campus child care center for my first two years of college. This was also in invaluable experience for me, as it gave me some wonderful role models for teaching, and gave me some great moments to look back on and use for future situations.

Some of the best things I learned were....

Pretty is not always the compliment it seems to be.  This one was hard for me to remember at first.  I can remember my first lead teacher, when I was a new aide, explaining to me that it was ok to skip the part of the compliment that said that something was pretty, and just compliment the part that caught my eye and made me think it was pretty.  It was ok to simply tell a little girl, "Look at the flowers on your dress!"  instead of "Your dress is so pretty with it's flowers!"  The explanation that was given was that we were moving away from using pretty/beautiful as compliments, to encourage the little girls in the classroom to hear that they were more than how they looked.

Recognizing the effort made.   This one kind of tied in with not using pretty....  To not simply tell a child "good job" on an art project or playscape (like a block tower, or play kitchen set up.)  To notice the details of what they did- the colors they used, the height of their tower, the variety of play foods selected.  These are the things that children need reinforced.  They need to know that you notice the efforts they put into their play and experiences.

Using positive guidance.  Learning to say, "Please walk, I need you to be safe" as opposed to "Don't run, you will fall" was easier for me.  Having it explained that children find it easier to understand what you want them to do instead of hearing what you don't want them to do and trying to figure out what they can/should do was so incredibly helpful for me.

Things will change, and that's ok.  Like I mentioned earlier, there were things that were standard procedures when my son was born, that were not being done when my daughter was born two years later.  And truly, that is a long time when it comes to children and development and best practices across the board.  New information is learned all the time, and things that were encouraged as the best way to care for children can become obsolete quickly.  One reason I am grateful for the continuing education that is required for my job is that I am able to choose classes that keep me as current as possible in infant care and development.  I also enjoy reading other blogs that make me think about what I do and how I care for children, to help me give them the best possible experience.

Not everyone agrees on what is best, and that's ok.  There are so many sides to every parenting and care decision out there....  No on scenario is going to be right for everyone, and that's ok.  Everyone's life experience is going to give them different insights and strategies for different situations, and this will make people disagree about what is the best way to handle things that come up when caring for children.  This is ok.  The biggest thing I learned from this is that it gives me a chance to learn something new.  I recently read aobut some different parenting philosophies that I didn't feel that I agreed with.  When I read more articles about them, I found things that agreed with what I feel is best, and some things that I agreed with that I began to add into how I care for children.

Never stop learning!  Never, never, ever!  There is so much out there.  Learn all you can, from everyone that you can.  You will get so many ideas and such enthusiasm for child care from hearing different perspectives.  And you never know what will come in handy.  :)

Keep on learning.  There is so much information available, it is insane.  Birth plans, feeding, infant hygiene, introducing solids, art experiences, large motor experiences, play time experiences, sleeping arrangements- you name it, there are a million different experiences ready to give you an option for your child.  Learn as much as you can, then pick and choose the parts of each that work best for you and your child, in your situation.  Remember, no one way is the right way.  The best way is the one that gives you, your child, and your family the most reward.

Happy learning!

Building a Sensory Garden

Last year, when we went on vacation, we went to the MN Children's Museum.  I would totally recommend it as one of the most awesome places to take your children.  Or borrow someone else's children and take them.  It is so cool and so much fun to watch kiddos explore and learn in all the exhibits that they have set up there...  And it is a lot of fun to check out as an adult too, I won't lie.  I think I have almost as much fun as my munchkins do.  :)

One of the things that I really noticed the last time we were there was that they had planted a sensory garden in their rooftop exhibit.  I loved that it combined gardening, the outdoors, and a total sensory experience for children.  As they had planted herbs, the plants had strong, individual odors, different shapes and colors, different textures, and were safe to allow children to taste.

Little Man exploring the sensory garden at MN Children's Museum

So, this summer I stole borrowed the idea of a "Summer Bucket List" from a fellow mom/child care teacher/ blogger, and we came up with a great list of fun things to do this summer.  Since I love the idea of a sensory garden, we added that. 

To set it up, I picked up a huge clay pot from Menards about a week ago.  I also picked up a couple smaller ones for something else, and used one of those to make a small sensory garden for my nephew to take home.  It was great fun that he got to join us!

The kids and I took turns digging up some black dirt from a small hill that I have in my back yard and filled those pots up.  I should mention that I set the pots in the kids' Radio Flyer wagon, as I didn't want to be hauling full pots of dirt across the yard.  Did I mention that one of them was huge?  Even with some plastic bottles filling up about half the space in the bottom of the large pot (for extra drainage, and to lessen the weight in the pot in the event that I do have to move it more than a few inches), it was still pretty heavy.

On Saturday morning, my munchkin crew and I hit up the farmer's market for several varieties of herbs- basil, lemon mint, rosemary, and opal basil in two varieties.  Kinda basil heavy, but they all look and smell different, which was the point.  :)  And really, you can put what ever plants you want in these...  Though I would recommend plants that are child safe, as one sense that children love to explore is taste.  :)  After we had the pots filled, we took turns making holes in the dirt, and setting our 'baby plants' into their new homes.  The kiddos all had fun patting the dirt around the root balls.

After we had our plants in, we talked about how to touch the plants gently, how we could smell them and notice the differences, and that we could pick off little pieces of leaves to taste.  

None of the kids were overly impressed with the tastes of any of the plants available, but they sure had a lot of fun making these!

I love gardens for children, and am looking forward to seeing these give my loves some interest and learning through the summer.

The Clothes We Wear

I love that the weather has finally been warm enough the last couple weeks that we have been able to spend some great time outside, both at home and with the babes at work.  For a while, I worried that it would stay too windy, too rainy, or just too chilly in general for us to let the munchkins enjoy some time on the playground.  But, we made it!

This got me thinking about the clothes that children wear to daycare/school these days, and how that might impact the children's involvement in outdoor (or even just messy indoor) activities.  Paint, mud, markers, and grass are just a few of the things used daily in our work and play that can stain clothing, not to mention the times that clothing can be snagged or pulled on and get rips.  Or even the every day wear and tear of active children on fabric.  The material doesn't even stand a chance, really.  :)

Now, I know that children as young as the ones I care for don't really think about their clothes when they are presented with an activity.  But as they get older, teacher and parent reactions to getting dirty, messy, and torn can make a child think twice about engaging in a wonderful learning opportunity out of concern for what they are wearing.  So, how do we help them not to have to worry?

Garage sales and thrift stores are great places to stock up on gently used clothing.  You get a great bargain, and since you usually pay a few dollars or less for a piece of clothing, having it get ripped or stained isn't nearly as concerning as if the clothes you paid more for are damaged.

Bargain hunt.  If second hand clothing is not for you, track the fliers for your favorite children's stores, and watch for coupons for dollars or percentages off of clothing.  Usually, you can use coupons on sale items, and increase your savings, and get brand new clothing for only slightly more than you would at a  thrift store.  :)  Also, pay attention to things like Target's Cartwheel app, or apps like RetailMeNot etc., which give you extra discounts and can often be used with paper coupons and sale items.

Designate specific outfits for days when you know there will be messy or outdoor play.  Children will learn quickly that these clothes are ones that they don't have to  be as careful with, and will be able to play without worry.

And in the end, do remember that everything washes.  There are endless sites online with tips and tricks for getting just about anything out of clothing.  (Here and here are just two available!)

So, relax and enjoy the messes and dirt.  Children are getting so much more out of their time exploring and learning, and we will miss these days of watching them learn so much all too soon.

You ROCK!

As a parent and child care teacher, some of my greatest reasons for doing what I do are the things I can do for the families and children I am with.  It is one of the best feelings ever when I can help a parent be less worried about what their child can or can't yet do.  Or encourage them in supporting their child's learning.  Or share the information and resources I have learned in my years as a parent and caregiver. Or even just being able to be the safe place that they can leave their baby and trust that they will be kept as safe and happy as I can make them while they are with me.  (And having some awesome help and support with that is one of the most crucial parts of making it happen!)

I recently read a comment by a fellow child care teacher, who mentioned how great it is to hear from the parents that we work with, what a great job they may feel that we do.  It got me thinking of some of the best professional compliments I have ever gotten.  She was so right!

One of the earliest that stands out was a young mom dropping her daughter off and telling my then-assistant teacher and I how much her little girl looked forward to spending time with her "daytime mommies".  The fact that she would feel comfortable enough telling us that she and her child (her first and, at the time, only child) were happy and confident enough with us to label us mommies for this baby was such a great moment for me.  It is one time that sure stands out as to why I love my profession so much.

Other moments come when parents ask about their child's development, and trust that I can help make sense of what their child may be doing.  Why are they so interested in what is in the cupboards in the kitchen when we have spent time and effort in creating a child-friendly zone?  Why does my child cling and cry when I have to leave, when they were fine last week?  What does it mean for my child when they can wave/ sign/ point?  When will my child walk?  There is no single right answer, but being able to point parents in the right direction on where to find more information is great.  Being able to learn and share about the developing mind and body of a child is such a great privilege.

On the flip side of my job working with children and parents is my opportunity to work with some truly awesome people.  I have worked with people who were totally new to child care, college students working to become the next generation of teachers, teachers who were able to share years more experience than I have with me.  Every one has given me something (or a lot of somethings) new to learn and think about.  Everyone comes in with ideas and expectations about what child care looks like and is about.  Having the opportunity to help others make sense of the world of teaching and child care is another great benefit of my job.  I've never really thought of myself as a teacher in the sense of teaching adults, but how cool is it that I get to do it anyway?!  When I am able to help someone make sense of what we are doing and why, it reminds me of why I love to teach.  :)

There are a thousand moments every day that my families, my co-workers, my employers, the children I work with, my own children and family at home tell me that I am valuable to them, that what I do makes a difference in their lives.  I have to admit, there are days where the chaos of getting from moment to moment with the demands of the day make me forget to notice them- in their moments.  But when I sit back and take stock of the day, I sure notice they were there.

And those moments, when you are told that you are so important to a family you care for that you have earned the title of "daytime mommy" in their eyes, it makes every moment of effort to get to that point so worth it.  Remember, as a provider or a parent, you are so important in the life of the child you are with.  You so truly ROCK!

The Value of Art

A few months ago, my co-workers and I were offered the opportunity to take a class that dealt with art experiences in early childhood. I was bummed, because the Husband was out of town, and I was unable to find a sitter for the munchkins so I couldn't go.

Fast forward a couple weeks after the class, and I was talking to one of my awesome co-workers, and mentioned that I wished that I had been able to attend the class.  The response I got literally made my jaw drop- "You wouldn't have liked it; the instructor told us that art experiences have no value for infants."

Cue the sad face.  :(  No value for infants? Really?  I work hard to bring art experiences into the room with the infants I work with, and have noticed a whole list of ways that art benefits the children.

For example....

Finger painting.  Can we say sensory play?  It's cool, squishy, jelly-like, and comes in bright colors.  You can let them explore with color mixing, even if they aren't able to grasp the concept.  Babies are hard wired for cause and effect, so this is a great way to let them explore that concept-  If I squeeze my hand shut, the paint squishes between my fingers.  If I spread my hand out and swipe it across the paper, it leaves a smear of paint behind.  I can use one finger, or all my fingers, or my whole hand.  Capturing finger painting can show an infant provider progress in fine motor control, as you can "read" the smears left  behind.  Are they using their fingertips to paint?  How much of the paper are they covering in their work?  These are things that children need to practice, and what better or more fun way to do it!

Brush painting with tempera or water color.  Here comes that fine motor control again, with holding the brush in a fist.  Add in those cool cups with the funnel in the top to keep the paint from spilling, and you have some hand-eye coordination as well, for when they dip the brush back into the paint.  I've had just-turned-one year olds who were able to grasp dipping the brush through that little funnel to get more paint to put on their paper.  And if you paint with an easel, you get some large motor skill work, with the arm movements and some standing.  :)

Coloring with crayons or colored pencils.  More fine motor skills, as well as some sensory experience.  The feeling of the paper around a crayon, or even the wax of an unwrapped crayon can be a novel experience for a child.  And that cause and effect is great for them, when they move their hand/arm and make lines on the paper.  If you provide these colored pencils (we should get some, the kids would love it!), it adds another dimension of sensory exploration.

Eco-Tree Colored Pencils

Stamping... With actual stamps, this provides fine and gross motor skill practice.  They get to hold the stamp, and move their arm.  They get to see cause and effect of inking the stamp on the ink pad, then seeing the ink run out when they stamp on the paper.  And, really, what kid doesn't get a kick out of art that lets them make noise by hitting the table?  :)  Paint or ink daubers are great here too, just for some variation.

Contact paper collages.  That sticky paper has some great uses.  Letting the babes stick bits of tissue or other small pieces of paper (or leaves, flower petals, bits of fabric, snips of yarn, whatever!) to it promotes some great fine motor control.  

Now, with all of this, are they going to get the same things out of doing art that a toddler or preschooler is going to?  No.  Does that mean that we should not do art with infants?  NO!  There is so much going on for them, we should be giving them art opportunities as often as we can.  

And really, the parents just love when you give them something their little angel has created.  Just for them, of course.  :)

Girls vs. Boys

Yesterday, I noticed that one of the headlights on my truck was burned out. Not a big deal- nothing a quick trip to the auto parts store and a wrench couldn't fix. And I didn't even break a nail doing it! I may have chipped my nail polish, but it was coming off anyway, so I'm not sure how much of that was from digging around under the hood.

By the way, you read that right. I am one of those women who knows how to change a headlight on a vehicle. It may have taken me longer than it would have taken someone with more experience, but according to the directions I looked up (my truck manuel only covered the tail lights and license plate lights), it still took less than the hour estimated.

For myself, I never understood why that kind of thing should deserve so much recognition. While I was working on getting that bulb changed, I kept thinking how much easier it probably was for me to reach into the tiny space left to get at the bulb.  The Husband or my brothers would have had much more trouble- because their hand/ arm would not have fit into the space as easily.

But on to my point...  It makes me so sad to see such distinct lines between "boy toys" and "girl toys", and to see any child discouraged from playing with a toy because it is for the opposite gender. (Thanks, Mom and Dad, for teaching us that learning was more important than who a toy was intended for.)  To go to the stores and see girl aisles full of dolls, dishes, and phones. To see boy aisles filled with building sets, cars, and adventure toys.

I wonder what would happen if more boys were encouraged to interact with dolls and play house- by the marketing gurus who show a disproportionate number of girls vs. boys with those toys.  Would we end up with more boys who feel that contributing to house work and child care is appropriate and expected?  Probably.  (Not to suggest that there aren't already men who do this.)  And, likely, it wouldn't be such a surprise when it does.  One thing I dislike hearing is how a father is 'babysitting' his own child. As a former babysitter, I can tell you  it doesn't work like that when it is your child.  That is parenting. I know that no one calls it babysitting when it applies to me and my children- at least not to my face. :)

What would happen of the girl toys were LEGO sets and tools and cars? Wait, let me rephrase that... What if the girl Lego sets were adventure themed, instead of home, and bakery, and shopping?  What if we showed our girls that they can in fact competently use the same tools that boys use?  Maybe, just maybe, we would get women more confident in their own skills and abilities. More girls having the kinds of adventures that let them do what they dream. (Again, not to say that we don't already have these women in the world...)

We have come a long way in expressing the roles of men and women to our children. But when I only have to walk down a toy aisle to see how far we can still go... Well, I know we still have our work cut out for us.

For myself, I won't be surprised at all when my daughter fixes her car by herself.